Friday, January 13, 2006

Old Post

I found this old post in my journal from November 2003. I have come a long way, baby.

I have given up the ghost... have I?

So what a day yesterday! I finally got all strong and deleted the ex off of my IM Buddy List. I thought it would be good for me to not know when he is on-line. It would help me feel less dependent on him (even though we have been broken up forever). I wanted it to help me move on. I did it. All gone. Off the list.

And then...

Mr.Bartender and I decided to go out last night. We headed up to TomTom to have a few drinks with Prada and then down to JR's to see Little Sparrow. That is when the text messaging starting coming from the ex. It starts out with questions like, "why do you only call me when you are drunk." Bull shit like that. I dodged his questions for a little while and when it got to be too much, I told him to stop contacting me, period. I am so sick of him being shady and never owning up to it. At least when I am shady, I own up to it. I know when I am being passive/aggressive or when I am being manipulative. I honestly think that the ex has no clue about what he is doing but he needs to cut it out. Back to the story: Then Mr.Bartender and I deleted his number out of my phone and did a few shots. Talk about ruining a nice evening out.

But of course that is not the end of the story...

Everyone who knows me knows that I can't let it end there so I call him when I get home (clearly stood outside because I had to smoke through this conversation). It was if we were breaking up all over again. We re-hashed the whole break-up. We blamed each other for all of the same crap that we blamed each other for before. Then we hit a breaking point. I finally was able to explain my feelings and the reason why I broke it of in a way that made sense and not take his crap for the way I felt. I think he finally understood me. We left the conversation on a slightly sour note but now the ball is in his court. I told him that I would not contacting him anymore. If he decides that he wants to contact me or do something with me, it is all up to him. He can call and make the arrangements. If he wants, he can prove that I am more important than his job.

(big sigh)... it had to be done. I need to let go.

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