on the music front...

i get seriously depressed when google talk pops up with an email like this:

*sigh*

once you blog about loving Pink and American Idol, it's all downhill from there...

It should be said though that it was a good week for music releases:

Cat Power - The Greatest

Jenny Lewis (of Rilo Kiley fame) & The Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat

The Elected (fronted by another member of Rilo Kiley, Blake Sennett) - Sun, Sun, Sun

and a good week to buy music tickets:

Beth Orton @ 9:30 Club - March 12, 06

Jenny Lewis & Watson Twins @ The Birchmere - March 23, 2006

Apparently I like American Idol....

...well at least the first episodes where they audition people. I've never watched any of the past couple of seasons, but for some odd reason I caught at least part of the past three episodes and loved it. It's like an hour long special of what it's like to work at a karaoke bar. People who think they are the shit get up there belt out some god-awful tune. What makes it fun for me is watching Simon and gang get to say what would only result in a decline in tips for me. Ahhh, what a joy to see these deluded people get a reality check.

My favorites are of course the people who go in bragging about the "awards" they've won from karaoke competitions and get up there and can't hit a single note. The thing about karaoke it's intended for drunken fun (as I've previously ranted about before) not to be taken too seriously. Okay sure maybe you won a bar tab one night by singing your soulful rendition of "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" to a room full of drunk people but that does not mean you have talent. When doing karaoke the bar is set pretty damn low...if you hit half of the right notes you're doing better than most. Please don't ever use karaoke as the gauge to see if you really have talent. Oh and that guy who said you were amazing - yeah he just wanted to fuck you. Like declarations of love, take compliments from drunk people with a grain of salt....

(side note - i am truly frightening i have admitted love for a Pink video and American Idol in the same day.....what on earth is happening to me?!?!? )

Um.....

...i can't believe I'm loving a Pink video, but honestly anything that makes fun of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, etc, etc is alright in my book....

Distracted

Sorry kids for falling out of sight in the blog land....life has been a bit busy lately and free time hasn't exactly been in abundance lately. Not many of my distractions are very blog-worthy, except for the distraction of the past weekend...

The Colin Farrell sex tape...

Yum.

Now it's far from a perfect. The cinematography is kinda poor, mainly focused on body parts as opposed to Colin on the whole and no money shot, but I must admit I love this find. It made a quick transformation from a download on my computer to the newest addition to my video iPod.

I think this film was made during the Daredevil era which is why he's sporting the bald head

Other parts of him were less bald which caused the girl he was with to have some accidental flossing...Colin busted out with this gem after her third stop to pick a stray out of her mouth:

"it's like you've going fishing for fucking pubes you're just catching every fucking pube i have...by the end of this morning we won't need to fucking shave me, they'll be none left"

oh he's such a sweet talker....other verbal highlights include

"if this camera could blush it'd be so fucking red that's how hot you are"

"holy shit I didn't know they made bastards as sexy as you man" (i pretend he's saying this one to me)

"this has got to the be the shabbiest fucking photography in the history of fucking porn but you know what? I could give a fuck"

All of this said with his sexy ass accent....oh colin....even when you're dirty you're ever so dreamy...

Life outside of porn has been going well too....Great weekend at the bar - we got a new 50 inch plasma screen tv, it was busy both nights and made some good $$$$. Can't complain at all about that.

It was also the second week in a row I'd been asked the question "are you Mr. Bartender???" - a question that throws me every time. I'm not quite sure why...maybe because when I get recognized I immediately think back to the most embarrassing post I had written. Sure people who know me think nothing of me transcribing Colin Farell quotes from his sex tape, but what about the person I'm meeting right now.

Anyway, the two guys I met this weekend actually seemed like cool peeps (I mean naming your blog after a tori amos song is more than alright in my book!). Hopefully my awkward & reluctant response wasn't misinterpreted. I'm always glad to meet more quality people :)

Weekend Recap

1) Friday night at the bar a customer pointed out to me that I hadn't thoroughly thought out my t-shirt selection for the evening. Given recent events I should have waited a bit longer before wearing this shirt again. Amazing how easily it can change from a play on words joking about pedophilia to being a shirt about necrophilia.

2. Also on Friday I learned that the iPod update that was released earlier last week and that I had installed the night before was seriously flawed. It created more bugs than it solved. About half of the videos would only play for about 30 seconds, skip and then start playing again without sound. So here's a word of warning for you video iPod owners - don't do the upgrade just yet - hold off until Apple gets their shit together.

If you were like me and installed before you found out about all the problems, go to the second page of the link above. Someone writes in about how to revert back to the old version - worked like a charm for me and baby iPod is functioning again in all her glory.

3. Sat night started off nicely with some deliciously wrong episodes of Drawn Together and the arrival of Sean , Headwound Gymnast, Scott and a bunch of others whose names escape me. They hung out for a round or two and departed just as Mrs. Jesus , The Boy , and Chip arrived. More good times were had until they left and then the good times DIED. As 2 AM approached I looked around and realized that every customer in there was annoying the fuck out of me one way or another. "oh there's a bad tipper, oh look there's a no tipper, oh and here we have Mr. order a drink and then disappear, oh yay the jackass who screams at me every time he's finished his beer is still here - wooo" I got cranky and counted down minute by minute until I could call last call. It felt like it'd never come...

4. Sunday night I finally was able to participate with the leather weekend festivities as the gang headed on out to the Reaction dance. Now Nation isn't normally my scene and I am awful at dancing, but I had a such a great time. After about half an hour I felt so emboldened to take my shirt off and danced until the wee hours of the morning... Finally met this guy and we shook our tail feathers with him for a bit. Also ran into some unexpected non-blog folks that made me smile all night long. Great times!!!

Never Nude vs. Always Nude

Earlier this week I read this blog about annoyance with people who are afraid to get naked at the gym - or as they'd be called on Arrested Development - Never Nudes. While I admit that these people get far too sensitive about being naked, they aren't really annoying to me - if anything I find them mildly amusing. No, the people that bother me aren't the Never Nudes, it's the Always Nudes.

Every gym has one or two of these guys and I've seen much more of them lately. New Years doesn't just bring out the people ashamed of their bodies, it also brings out the people who love to flaunt it - whether they should or not. This week I've seen the following:

* A guy who wears short shorts and no underwear. In between sets I looked around and saw him stretching/doing abs on the mat. His balls were in clear view for all to see - smooth and wrinkly like the rest of him.

* A guy hanging out naked and semi-hard in the locker room when I arrived at the gym and still there lingering by the time i finished working out. He was never spotted doing any actual form of work out - in fact, by the looks of things he hadn't actually worked out for at least 20 some years....

* Two separate guys that felt the shower curtain was too prohibiting so they left them wide open. While watching a guy get all wet and soapy can be hot in the right circumstances - this was not one of them. Seriously I don't want the soapy water from washing your ass to be splashing on me as I'm walking on by. Not so hot...

And the thing about all of these guys is that they weren't exactly what I'd consider attractive. Every single one of them was 50 or above and over weight. One had a bush so thick that it covered all but for the very very tip of his penis. Now far be it from me to judge too harshly on body-types because I by no means am claiming to have a flauntable body myself - but the difference is I'm not flaunting mine. I work out, get naked, shower, get clothed and go home. If you wanna flaunt what you don't necessarily got, you should "workout" over at the Crew Club - who know you may even get laid.

Bottom line is the Never Nudes need to give the Always Nudes some of their modesty, and the Always Nudes need to give some of their misguided self-image to the Never Nudes.

Leather Weekend

HAPPY MAL!!

Tinkerbell

Things That Make ME sad...

I just lost my whole damn blog entry to some God-damn pop up screen that I enabled.

I had a whole entry on Emily Rose. Dammit to hell. Just rent the film, for God's sake.

"One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six..."

Question on my mind...

As a self described music whore I have a great level of gratitude to the artists that have provided me with a soundtrack to my life. I like to express that gratitude by supporting the artists for the music they make by going to concerts and legally purchasing their music whether it be via CD or a paid download.

I have found myself wondering though what is the best way to financially support an artist when it comes to buying their music? Specifically, of the options listed below - which one gives the most $$ back into the hands of the artists?

Option 1: Purchasing a physical CD at music store*
Option 2: Purchasing off of one of the major download site (iTunes, Rhapsody, etc.)
Option 3: Downloading off of my fav music site - emusic.

* I'm pretty sure buying CDs at concerts is the best option because aside from the small percentage that goes to the venue, the artists get most of the $$ that would normally go to your best buy or amazon. BUT I've removed that option from the running because generally I'm all about instant gratification and want a CD as soon as it's released and not have to wait until the next time said artist comes into town....that being said though a great opening act is generally gonna motivate me to explore the merch table...

Some thoughts/questions:

* a lot of times for artists I really love I'm gonna want the physical CD anyway. There's nothing quite like having a full collection of great CDs to display. I have been known to buy a physical CD after I've fallen in love with my downloaded copy of it...

* emusic has been a great source for me to really get to discover artists that I may have heard of but never really heard. I went there for the 50 free downloads, but stayed for the diverse selection of indie music. I think they are a great resource to increase an artist's exposure.

* As great as emusic is for artists to reach new audiences, I wonder how much $$ they really make off it though. I'm paying 25 cents a download vs. iTunes 99 cents. Does that mean the artists get less of a kick back or does emusic just grab less of a share of the profits than iTunes does?

So I'm hoping one of these guys could some day in passing ask this guy to offer some insight and report back to me. Specifically I wonder what option gives him the most $$ - cds, iTunes or emusic?

Oh that Elmo...

"ha ha ha - who wants to die?"

some randomness...

1. While doing some last minute Christmas shopping I was in a store that specialized in kitschy items. I found a hand towel that would be a perfect gag-gift for a friend of mine. It was a towel with a little cartoon picture of a sperm on it. I also found a kitschy little item for myself - a plush doll Jesus. I went to the register and the cashier was all excited to see my Jesus purchase. She told me how much she loved Jesus, she loves his work and she wants to buy a "Jesus is my homeboy" shirt. I thought she was on the same kitschy Jesus page as me - but as I soon found out - I was mistaken. She put Jesus in the bag and went to ring up my other purchase. She took one look at the cum towel and turned to another employee "oh my - do we really sell these - i...i just can't beli....i...we would really sell something like....oh my, oh my..." Meanwhile the customers in line behind me are trying to peer over my shoulder to see what offending item I was trying to purchase. My face turned bright red. I was being shamed. As she began to calm down she told me my total as she was about ready to put the cum towel in the bag. Suddenly she realizes what else is already in the bag and screams out "oh I just can NOT put this in the same bag as Jesus!!!" and gets a new bag for the cum towel. *sigh*

2. New Years Eve is the worst possible night for bar employees. Arriving to the bar 6 hours early to help decorate didn't bother me - goofing off while blowing up balloons with quality peeps is actually kinda fun. It's the rest of the night that is the problem. Most of your regulars are headed off to private parties and the bar becomes full of people who go out just one or two nights a year. It becomes complete amateur night. People don't know how to order drinks, tip the bartender or hold their alcohol. Oh and karaoke can be headache inducing on it's own - do we really need to give a bar full of drunk people noisemakers and horns? I think not...

3. There is no better way to roll in the New Year than spending Jan 1 and 2 in bed/on the couch watching "I Love the 90s" and Season 1 of Alias. Complete waste of time - but absolute heaven. Much needed unwind time was mine all mine.

4. If the first uh, husband-for-a-night, is any indication of how the rest of 2006 will go I am very pleased. Complete goldicocks - not too big, not too small - just right......what a great way to welcome the new year...

Lonely Blue Dot

Hark! Alas, I am here where I belong. I know that this post is a bit overdue, considering Mr. Bartender opened the door and invited me to join ‘and so it is’ over three weeks ago. All the holiday hoopla got me a bit distracted recently. I decided to start off on the right foot today and write out something that’ll help work out some apprehension I’ve had about journaling in this format. One last thing before we get started, I want you to know that every bit of wit, wisdom, sarcasm and sass that I’ll use to share my thoughts about my journey through life are bona fide 100% SASS certified through my lifetime brotherhood in SASS (see below).

Last week, I attempted to compose my first message to post, and I must say that I was somewhat actually pleased with what I was able to get out of my head and into words that made at least some sense. I added an image and even my first blog link, but the blogging gods frowned upon me and with an accidental keystroke the entire post went blank…. Ugh…far from happiness. Anyway, I sent Mr. Bartender a message through our secret little GT Messenger service, for his advice on how to compose/layout/edit a post and not lose it so quickly. He suggested either use Outlook or Word to compose the text then edit layout/images later. I opted to use MS Word and if you’re reading this then it probably worked.

A couple days ago as that tragic year 2005 was coming to an end, I took a break from “working” and decided to do some investigative research with the all mighty lords of Friendster. I saw that I had a message in my inbox and clicked to open the message and found a slightly disturbing message informing me that my life just may not be exactly how I see it.

Now this message was really quite disturbing to me because of all things that I hold most near and dear to my heart are foremost my friends. My family life hasn’t ever really been a happy place for me, unless I was a bit sassy and could put a bit more fun in my dysfunctional family. I’ve always relied on my friends and lean on them when times get rough. Mainly because my friends truly know who I am, understand me, and know what makes me tick. Anyway, I’ve always thought that I’ve done a pretty good job of building friendships with some truly remarkable ladies and gentlemen and maintaining those relationships. It was a bit sad to see a lonely blue dot (me) in a white box with no other dots (friends) and just a text box stating, “You do not have any friends.” HA! Puhlease. Surely you jest!! Ugh… I never want to think about this but…if this statement was ever true…it would be the end…the end of me.

Alright..happy thoughts..happy thoughts. Coming off a great holiday weekend shared with my greatest friends (Thank you all)... Happy New Year All!! Here’s to turning things around and making the most of what we have!! I’m ready for ya 2006! Bring it on mister sister!

Onward!!
SASSY PANTS