Monday, September 19, 2005

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to...

oh the irony

Friday I make a post chiding the gay youth for their Jerry Springer style drama and then Sunday I engage in some high drama myself.

I forgot a basic equasion:

unresolved issues
tragic mess

Sunday afternoon my roommate and I hosted a little housewarming party for 50-60 of our closest friends. Much alcohol was purchased and consumed. For the most of the afternoon things were great. I was happy with the turn out - saw some people I haven't seen in ages and was able to mingle with some new friends that are coming into our social scene. It really was a blast. The ex arrived and even that was nice - at least initially.

Couple hours went by, more alcohol was consumed and the ex and I engaged in some conversation. Things were going fine until we hit a point where we disagreed about some health issues and I expressed concern. That spiraled to a semi-heated exchange which ended with me retreating to the kitchen with Mrs. Jesus following shortly behind.

I believe the words "if he doesn't fucking care if he's gonna die why should I?" escaped my mouth as tears started rolling down my face. Mrs. Jesus did her best to calm me down.

She wasn't the most successful.

The ex followed to the kitchen and told me to relax and so I retreated to my bedroom in full door slamming action. The ex followed, we talked about it more, he agreed to take care of himself (which at this point was probably just said to calm me down), then we passed out, then we snuggled.

I woke up with my head pounding and painful memories of being that trashy drama lady last night. But I guess it was for the best - if anything at least he knows that I still do care and want him to be healthy. He agreed to take care of himself, which at this point I can only take him at his word. As I said (slurred) last night to Mrs. Jesus "I'm no longer his boyfriend, I know it's no longer my place to take care of him - it's still hard to sit back and watch though..."

If anything, last night helped provide some closure. He's actually going to be leaving DC soon and things have been awkward between us for a bit now. Having one final argument followed by one make up conversation helped close many outstanding issues for us. Having one final night in each others arms was a perfect way to send him off to his new life. He knows that even though I broke up with him I still do care for him.

After all I don't allow myself to become the crying tragic mess over just anybody...


At 11:28 AM, Blogger Dop said...

"He knows that even though I broke up with him I still do care for him."

Yeah, he knows.


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