Friday, October 21, 2005

Mr. Bartender Needs

Here's a google game for ya:

Do a search with your first name and needs in quotes - i.e. "Saddam needs" and post the top 10 results...

Here's what google says about me:

MR BARTENDER NEEDS:

* a new name!
* Help
* a consequence for misbehavior, time outs work usually work well (i've been a bad, bad boy)
* to change his classroom management practices so he can focus on providing the excellent instruction every student deserves
* experienced adoptive parents willing to provide daily enrichment activities including athletics, advocacy with teachers, and lots of parental time and attention. (so are you saying i need to find a daddy?)
* to answer some questions.
* to unwind the wire from the chicken coop to get straight wire. (indeed)
* to come out of the closet (been there, done that)
* to move on. (*sigh* i guess it's time)
* to be a member of the Administrator's group on his own computer in order to install antivirus software.

Those were my first ten....but there were some other gems in the bunch:

* lots of support on the home front and elsewhere to help him maintain good boundaries. Part of that support is helping him learn to ask for hugs (can i have a hug? especially if you're cute, muscular and have a hairy chest)
* everyone's thoughts, well-wishes -- and financial help (amen on the financial help...the best nation is donation)
* his fuckin' pipes cleaned (oh yeah)
* a hug, but mostly “Mr. Bartender” just needs a girl. (nah, i'll just take the hug)
* to get laid more than anyone I know (amen sista')
* a wife to help get custody of his two children that currently reside with their abusive mother, Belinda (nah she can keep them, i hate kids)
* to be with someone who is going to make him face his demons and not feed them (my demons like food)
* more hands for his drinks (too true)
* a SHAG. (my lack of sex appears to be a theme)
* to exercise more and eat less (ouch!)

3 Comments:

At 10:03 AM, Blogger Dale said...

Apparently I need
1) Continuous follow up care - DUH

2)A smock - smocks are SO 1993!

3)"Dale needs you!"- apparently my lack of gentleman callers has dropped my standards to include everybody

4) I need to be appreciated, adored, recognised, noticed, and worshipped - yeah I didn't need google to tell me that :)

5)a ride home - so true after thirsty thursdays!

6)to play purposefully with toys - I'm not even going to attempt that one

7) A new tv - sure why not

8) special owners - apparently sugar daddies aren't out of the picture entirely

9)to close the deal on Valentines day - way to kick a single guy in the junk!

10).Large scale adaptions to his home - preach it sister!!!

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Fun game! These were actual google results using my name. I'm kind of scared...

AsianMistress needs...

1. needs a push. She is a talkative,
fun, lively and attractive young woman who seems To have lost her spark. - well then!

2. needs some incentive to get out of her rut, respect her
wardrobe and pursue her dream of working in the travel industry. - perhaps not the travel industry part...

3. to find out what she wants. - indeed, don't we all?

4. needs me. And it will be good for her to go out and have dinner with us. Nothing cheers her up like a plate of warm food. - well, I do like food!

5. approximately $80000 USD to do fieldwork. - if by fieldwork you mean shopping...

6. needs to spend more time with the Himbos so they all get to go canoeing and yachting - yee haw!!

7. to get stoned in the worst way. What she writes is enough to drive anybody to drink. - well then...

8. to bake 120 cookies. If there are. 30 cookies in a batch, how many
batches does. She need to bake? - mmm, cookies!

9. NEEDS salvation her dad is a transexual he's now a girl hersister is a lesbian and I know "AsianMistress" needs god and she has just told me that she... - um, yeah, don't know about that one.

10. needs to believe that Justin loves her, and that she should be with him. - only if it's Justin Timberlake!

 
At 10:38 PM, Blogger aklsdjhfa said...

1) Our prayers (how fitting)

2) help! (don't we all...)

3) to trim his budget (obvy)

4) tub (?)

5) a friend (okay...)

6) one single source of information at his finger tips

7) to stop blaming mom (my mom rules, period.)

8) to launch his career as a high-powered attorney (no joke, kinda weird)

9) you!!!

10) to quit whining and put his money where his mouth is (so I like to talk, sue me!)

 

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