Mr. Bartender Needs

Here's a google game for ya:

Do a search with your first name and needs in quotes - i.e. "Saddam needs" and post the top 10 results...

Here's what google says about me:

MR BARTENDER NEEDS:

* a new name!
* Help
* a consequence for misbehavior, time outs work usually work well (i've been a bad, bad boy)
* to change his classroom management practices so he can focus on providing the excellent instruction every student deserves
* experienced adoptive parents willing to provide daily enrichment activities including athletics, advocacy with teachers, and lots of parental time and attention. (so are you saying i need to find a daddy?)
* to answer some questions.
* to unwind the wire from the chicken coop to get straight wire. (indeed)
* to come out of the closet (been there, done that)
* to move on. (*sigh* i guess it's time)
* to be a member of the Administrator's group on his own computer in order to install antivirus software.

Those were my first ten....but there were some other gems in the bunch:

* lots of support on the home front and elsewhere to help him maintain good boundaries. Part of that support is helping him learn to ask for hugs (can i have a hug? especially if you're cute, muscular and have a hairy chest)
* everyone's thoughts, well-wishes -- and financial help (amen on the financial help...the best nation is donation)
* his fuckin' pipes cleaned (oh yeah)
* a hug, but mostly “Mr. Bartender” just needs a girl. (nah, i'll just take the hug)
* to get laid more than anyone I know (amen sista')
* a wife to help get custody of his two children that currently reside with their abusive mother, Belinda (nah she can keep them, i hate kids)
* to be with someone who is going to make him face his demons and not feed them (my demons like food)
* more hands for his drinks (too true)
* a SHAG. (my lack of sex appears to be a theme)
* to exercise more and eat less (ouch!)