Monday, November 07, 2005

Drunks, Drunks and Druggies

Oh a weekend full of colorful characters....

1. Friday night found a group of uber-young straight college students in my bar – their IDs said 21, their behavior said 12. They were drunk by the time they came in and after a single round of shots they were screaming non stop and kept stumbling into people. They asked for another round of shots and I informed them they were cut off. The cocky leader guy tried to argue with me "oh you think we're drunk? We're not drunk we're just enthusiastic" um yeah...riiiiight.... New Jersey Trash girl piped up "look...i totally respect your decision man, but are we like cut off for the entire night or just right now?" Feeling slightly benevolent I said if they sober up I may be willing to serve them later on. I offered water or soda and they all declined. They all headed downstairs and about 10 minutes later they came back with fresh drinks in their hands from another bartender. *sigh* After they finished that round New Jersey Trash came up and attempted to order a drink from me. I refused and in her best I'm-drunk-but-pretending-to-be-sober voice said "but I thought if we sobered up you'd serve us again" - "well you didn't sober up, you went downstairs and got another round" "No I didn't" "Look I saw you and you can argue with me until you're blue in the face but this is not debatable - I'm not serving you" "Alright fine, I just don't want you to be mad at me" - "Whatever, I'm not mad" - "Are you sure, you look mad" - "Look I have other customers to serve and I WILL be mad if you keep interrupting me from doing my job" . So she leaves and returns over to the cocky leader guy. She proceeds to dry-hump him on the couch. It was quite the horrific scene - like what bad porn is made of. It began to appear she was going to blow the guy at any minute so my coworker told them there was to be no sex in his bar unless he was involved, they got embarrassed and left. 15 minutes later they came back with a lesson learned - you fuck with the bartender, karma fucks with you. Apparently the "not drunk just enthusiastic" dry-humping trashy girl lost her purse. One by one the four people in the group came up in a panic looking for her purse. They were all freaking out. I just smiled and enjoyed the scene. The trashy girl herself came up and looked high and low. Finally she found it - apparently she was so busy getting her rocks off she didn't notice she knocked her purse into the trash can by the couch. She pulled the now beer-n-cigarette soiled purse out of the trash and I just kept on smiling :)

2) I also had a new first on Friday - first time I made a customer cry. Once again an over-intoxicated straight girl began to grate on my nerves. She ordered a bottled water, but then had no money to pay for it. I pulled the bottle away until she gets the money from her friends and began to serve others. As I'm making change at the register, she reaches over the bar and starts tapping me repeatedly on my back. I turn around and snap "do not touch me"....I clearly freaked her out "oh, but I....I....I...just wanted to get...your attention" - "I don't care, you wait for me to come back to you, do not touch me". I finish giving the other customer his change and come back to her, take her money and give her the bottle of water. Minutes later I hear her talking to her boyfriend "I...I...just...can't believe he was....so mean to me..." and tears start rolling down her face. Ooops...

3) Saturday I had the joy of cutting a guy off before he was served anything at all. A guy stumbled into the bar, sat his ass down at a table and began to nod off to sleep. Well, something like sleep at least. It became apparent he was on the influence of something but alcohol it was not. At first I thought he was rolling as he kept rubbing his head and arms, but then I recalled I had encountered him once before. It was about 2 years ago, he came in - ordered a single beer and half way through it passed out completely. He was unable to walk, we had to carry him down the stairs, out the door and into a cab. So seeing him drugged out now put the other night in perspective and I think he was probably a G queen. And a pretty stupid one if he's choosing to drink on top of that....Needless to say when he came up to order from me (twice) I refused both times and encouraged him to go on home. Again I had to ask you people out there if you're gonna mess around with that shit, keep it at home - I don't want to deal with your cracked out ass and certainly not if it entails babysitting you.

2 Comments:

At 3:47 PM, Blogger The Boy said...

When I woke up at noon on Sunday, still drunk, craving an Orange soda and vodka and humming Thelma Houston, I wished I would have been cut off!

 
At 7:26 PM, Anonymous copperred said...

You poor thing. I can't imagine you made her cry, unless she was suffering from some elemental imbalance. I remember when I interned at an inpatient mental health facility and at first was turned off by their use of ECT (if sparingly). Except it worked wonders, so much so that the suggestion of it caused an immediate improvement. Strangely your boys and girls seem not to have grasped this concept.

I wish I had cut myself off last night.

 

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