More Bar Etiquette

Once again I refer you to The Sean Show for a very important read for anyone who steps foot into a bar.

A couple things to add:

1. Have your money out and ready to go - the majority of you out there have lived in a capitalist country for at least 21 years of your life so it should not come as a surprise to you that goods and services require you to pay a fee. You know you're going to have to pay for the drink you just ordered so have your money out. When the bar is busy and crowded I do not have time to wait for you to fumble through your purse looking for exact change. Not only does it slow things down for me, but it pisses off the thirsty people behind you waiting for a drink.

2. I know you hate to wait for a drink but I can guarantee you'll be waiting a LONG ASS time if you A) reach over the bar and tap me or B) throw something at me. It is never okay to touch the bartender without his permission and hurling an object at me will result in your immediate departure from the bar. Screaming out bartender's name while he's taking someone else's order is also equally obnoxious. If you want my attention look at rule #1 and get your twenty out. People who have their money out and look like they know what they want always get my attention first.

3. What not to say:

* "ooooh I'm out of cash, I'll tip you next time" - i can understand if you run out of cash and need to go to the ATM but don't tell me you'll tip me next time. Prove it.

* "what will $3 get me?" - a dirty look and directions to the ATM

* "what's the cheapest drink I can order?" - okay saying this signals you're gonna leave a shitty tip.

* "okay i'm REALLY sorry here and it's gonna be long because i've got a REALLY complicated order, I know you're gonna hate me for it and I feel really bad..." - stop with the long explanation for why your drink is so complicated because more than likely your explanation is more complicated than the drink order itself. Just tell me what you want...
"

4. Some may disagree with me on this last one, but if you're gonna be so cheap as to leave me a quarter as a tip you may as well just keep it to yourself. Seriously a quarter tip is more insulting than no tip at all.

That's it for now...rush over to The Sean Show for the rest of your lesson...