World AIDS Day

on a serious note...

So today is World AIDS Day....

For awhile now, I've been contemplating writing an all out personal history for this day. But after I wrote the LONG and detailed posted, I realized it was more of an exorcism of demons than anything that was a required reading for the general public. All that said, for any of those so inclined to know my sad sappy past, you can read that here.

Anyway, no my AIDS day post is going to be a bit on the controversial side I think. In fact I unfortunately feel borderline Republican when I think about these things (and being borderline Republican on ANYTHING gives me an uneasy feeling), but honestly let's get it all out on the table.

To clarify:

I am not writing about HIV infections worldwide

I am not writing about HIV infections from the 80s

I am not writing about HIV infections on the poor & uneducated

I'm not writing about HIV infections from people whose partners cheated on them

No, I am writing about my peers, my community - the single educated gay men whose entire sexual development was framed in a world where HIV was a reality yet continue to engage in unprotected sex.

Why the fuck are we continuing to infect ourselves???

As much as I want to feel nothing but utter compassion for those who fit the above mold and test positive, I've lately been finding myself at a bit of a lack of sympathy. I mean come on, we grew up in an era that by the time our dicks first got hard we knew what HIV was, we knew how to protect ourselves. In this day in age this is NO REASON we should be continuing to become positive...

I don't feel that anyone deserves to get this disease - it's not an issue of morality or karma. HIV is an awful thing, but unfortunately it is an evil reality that exists in the world. This is a fact. Just because a condom is a bitch to use and a monogamous relationship isn't always easy to come by (or wanted) doesn't mean we should trade in our health for a mind blowing orgasm. Come on people!

I compare it to a hard thunderstorm in a wide open field. It's not very wise for a guy to be out there flying his kite in the middle of it. So if he gets struck by lighting I'll feel bad for him, but bottom line - didn't he know better? Why is it so wrong to say, what the fuck were you thinking???

When are we going to take responsibility for our actions???

Maybe I feel so strongly about this because it's been far too personal for me. Maybe it's because someone I was in love with made all the wrong decisions and got bit hard in the ass as a result. Maybe I've seen too many friends fall upon the same fate. Maybe my heart can't take another person I know and care about becoming infected. As hard as I try not to judge these people - my friends and loved ones - I find it so hard to not be angry with them. It bothers me that some of the people that I love wouldn't care enough about themselves to protect themselves.

It bothers me that it seems like more money gets spent on HIV treatment than does HIV prevention. I scoff at such events as Cherry that attempts to raise money for HIV organizations meanwhile promoting a circuit party that probably creates more drug induced HIV infections than it'll ever be able to treat with the money it raises.

In some ways I feel bad for feeling the way I do. I honestly wish nothing more than for a cure to be found and for us to be able to move on. Sex is not the evil at play here. People who engage in sex aren't the evil. HIV is the evil, not people with HIV. But knowing this evil exists in the world I beg of you all to not allow it into your lives. Be safe, wear a condom, have an open relationship if you want but save that most intimate of moments of bareback sex for your partner only, for god sakes protect yourself.

We have already had far, far too many World AIDS Day.....

(serious post over, please join us tomorrow when we return to such topics as skid marks and bad tippers)