Monday, September 26, 2005


This weekend found Team Lady leaving our fair city and venturing out to Virginia to celebrate R&S’s wedding. Now generally I am not a big fan of attending weddings. However, this couple is one that I truly love and it was a pleasure to be there for their special day. Most importantly they are a couple that I am sure will not turn into what Team Lady likes to refer to as the “smug marrieds”.

Now no matter how much I love a couple there are certain things about weddings that tend to be on going problems for Mr. Bartender.

Weddings are a time when Mr. Bartender can not accomplish his personal goal of never being around children. I thought I was going to be safe at this one as the bride had only approved one person (her sister) to bring a child. Everyone else was given strict orders to keep them at home. Well not everyone listened to this policy and of course a brat crossed my path. Now I understand kids are kids and they are going to do be fussy at times. But as a parent it is your responsibility to control your kid, if you can not do so you need to take the kid and leave the situation. The ceremony started and some little boy did not want to sit in his seat. His father tried to hold him back and the kids started fussing. Instead of being a responsible parent and taking the kid away, the father let the kid free to roam the aisle. Picking up rose petals and throwing them at people. I’m sorry dad, I’m sure you find Little Johnny’s antics to be adorable, but as for me I’m trying to watch the wedding. Be a considerate parent and remove your kid.

Second wedding problem - The Party Girl experienced it last weekend, now it was my turn. Bad bartenders. Not only was this guy S-L-O-W but he had no idea what he was doing. Mrs. Jesus ordered a dirty vodka martini, three sober minutes later Mrs. Jesus and I were shooting each other WTF looks as the bartender hands him some blue concoction. Mrs. Jesus was polite and drank it. Next person to order asked for a vodka-tonic, three sober minutes later he was handed a Bacardi Tonic. – ewww – I was up next and spoke slowly as I pointed to the bottles I wanted. As we walked away I pondered getting behind the bar and helping this poor man out. I ended up deciding against it because I didn’t want to be tacky and offend anyone, although I suspect the wedding guests would have been greatly relieved.

The other thing about weddings for me is that I always end up having some small tinge of jealousy. I see the happy couple up there pledging a lifetime together and I can’t help but reflect on my own failed relationships and all the baggage I’ve collected as a result. I begin to wonder when I’ll find that person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I try to only allow myself to wallow in those feelings for a small period of time as any longer than that is unhealthy. I then try to readjust my viewpoint and imagine what my wedding will be like. My friend Ashbear had the best wedding I’ve been to yet and I think I’m gonna steal many of her ideas….throw that in with some ideas from other weddings and some ideas of my own and it’ll be my perfect ceremony. I want it to be a small and simple affair. Like Ashbear I want to rent out a beach house in a small coastal town. The attire for the wedding guests will be casual and comfortable – no tuxes, no suits – just khakis and dress shirts. My hubby and me might wear tuxes because I’ve been told I clean up well, but other than that everyone casual. Only close family and friends will be invited – and certainly more friends than family. No one will be invited out of obligation or guilt. Only the people we WANT there will be invited. The ceremony will be short and non-religious. We’ll have our own vows that come from the heart. Children will not be allowed and someone will be given the task to ensure kids are kept away. If someone has a child there will be a room in the house they can stay with the kid until the ceremony is over. I’m not being upstaged by some brat. After the wedding we’ll have a nice dinner inside the house, and of course plenty of booze. After dinner we’ll head out to the porch and hopefully by this time I’ll have learned how to play the guitar and I’ll sing a song for my new hubbie. After that we’ll have our first dance. Then everyone will start dancing and we’ll keep the music playing loud and drinks poured strong to carry everyone through the night. At one point I’ll steal my man away from the crowd and head out to the shore for a moment alone. We’ll breathe a sigh of relief that it’s all finished, we’ll laugh at the toasts our friends gave and then we’ll enjoy a kiss in the moonlight, stars and waves. Then we’ll retreat back and tell everyone good night as we leave to fuck like bunnies. :)


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