Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Guide to Flirting With and Dating A Bartender

I was browsing through the blog stats today and noticed that someone came to our site from a MSN Search for "dating a bartender".

First I would like to issue an apology to that person as I'm sure the answer they were searching for was not found on this site. Secondly, since it appears MSN believes Team Lady has the answers for dating a bartender I should provide the public (and MSN) what they are clearly craving for.

So here we go :

Mr. Bartender's Guide to Flirting With and Dating a Bartender

1) Stop using MSN Search, switch to Google. Okay, okay it has nothing to do with dating a bartender, but it's a basic life lesson this person has not learned yet, so it need to be stated. Google is oodles better and has fun things like interactive maps, toolbars, etc.

2) Don't Misread Signals - So they bartender smiles at you and is always really friendly and occasionally gives you a drink for free - he must be interested in you, right? Possibly, but there's a damn good chance he's just being a good bartender and trying to keep you coming on into his bar. Remember he makes his money by being nice to people and having those people in turn give him a nice tip. The normal cues that someone is interested in you can not be applied to the bartender.

3) Tip Him Well - If you want to get the bartender's attention the best way to do so is to leave a big tip. There's no need to be obscene about it but a simple extra dollar a drink will always be noticed by a good bartender. If you're not financially in a place to leave an extra tip, you're not out of the running - just be sure not to leave a shitty tip. Even if I think you're the hottest guy in the world I'll be damned if I'm gonna date someone who only tips a quarter. With bad manners like that how could I be seen with him in public?

4) Ask Yourself If He Is Worth It - If the bartender you're crushing on works at your favorite neighborhood bar be sure he's worth it before you make your move. Let's say you go on a date only to have things end on a bad note. Now every time you step into the bar it's going to be awkward and weird. Never ruin a good time at your favorite bar for any guy...

5) Don't Put Him On The Spot - It's never a good idea to ask the bartender on a date while he's working. No matter if he's interested or not it's going to be an uncomfortable moment. The second you pose the question there are 20 other ears that perk up around the bar to see how he's gonna respond. Make the situation less of a public display by discreetly slipping your phone number/email on a note along with your tip. If he's interested he'll call.

6) Let Him Do His Job - Bartending is like playing host to a party, you can't just talk to the guests you want to talk to, you have to talk with everyone - even the annoying ones. So as much as he may WANT to talk to you, he's not always able to. If you're telling him a story don't get offended if he's looking around the bar to see if anyone wants another drink or he walks away from you mid sentence. It's nothing personal, he's just trying to pay his bills.

7) Don't Hang Out In His Bar Nonstop - If you progress to the point where you start dating the bartender, give him some space. As much as he may enjoy seeing you, he's not able to enjoy your company the way he'd like to. As we just discussed in #6 he won't be able to maintain good conversation with you, and having you stare at him all night will make him uncomfortable and it just plain reeks of insecurity.

8) Don't Get Jealous - The bartender's job is to be nice and friendly with people and get them liquored up. As mentioned in #2 many people misread these signals as flirting and will hit on the bartender. At no point are you to ever confront one of his customers about hitting on "your man". The customers are his bread and butter, they pay his bills - it is the bartender's sole decision how to handle people flirting with him. I know the stereotype is that bartenders get around, and yeah some do, but there are two types people in the world 1) people who cheat 2) people who don't cheat. If you're dating someone who cheats it doesn't matter if they are a bartender or not - they gonna cheat on you. If you're dating someone who doesn't cheat just because they are a bartender and have more opportunities presented to them doesn't mean they are going to stray from you.

For me personally I can not imagine hooking up with someone after my shift. Our bar closes at 3:00 AM, after cleaning & closing the bar for an hour I'm ready to leave at 4:00 AM. I smell like an ashtray, I feel disgusting, and I'm exhausted. There is very little I'm interested in other than curling up in my bed.

So for those afraid of dating a bartender because you hear they're sluts, I'd say put that fear to rest. Find out who the person is and go from there.

That's all I can think of for i forgetting anything??


At 9:41 AM, Blogger A Unique Alias said...

That was a hell of a comprehensive post. Thanks :-)

At 12:23 PM, Blogger goblinbox said...

The post is lovely and comprehensive. The scary part is that there are people who can't actually figure all this stuff - including the part about MSN sucking - all by themselves?

At 9:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As someone in this situation... I can tell you it's not all about 'figuring it out for yourself'. It's true that most of this post is common sense, but that doesn't mean that people with a similiar experience won't feel comfort/familiarity reading these tips. Trust me. :)

At 2:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant gems of advice- I've been dating a bartender for just over one month now, and although we've already had the "let's just keep things casual & laidback" discussion, it's nice to hear from someone that bartenders don't necessarily = male sluts. Cheers*

At 7:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post. I have been seeing a bartender for a month now and all of the hesitations I had with it, you answered perfectly. I am definitely keeping these things in mind next time I see him :)

At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the tips the article was really helpful. I'm actually having a little crush on a bartender and I'm not sure if I've just become a regular or he's flirting a bit. I've been going to this one bar with some girlfriends about once a week since February. At first I wasn't interested in any of the bartenders, but this one bartender by chance has been working every time I've gone. The first time I paid full price but after that my tabs have all been under $10. I'm not the best flirt and even though he's a bartender he's not terribly chatty either but the conversations are really starting to loosen up lately. I'm just confused if he's just being nice or flirting a bit.

At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

confused.. any advice?

everytime i go to this one trendy bar, the bartender gives me free drinks/shots.. i try to leave him a tip each time but he never accepts. only smiles it off. he charges my friends for their drinks... plus he has a gf.


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At 10:26 AM, Blogger ethan said...

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At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am dating a female bartender from my regular watering hole around the corner from my house. I have known her for 3 years now (since and because she started working there) ... Your comprehensive posting was indeed very true and accurate. And although alot of guys hit on her alot, it does rub me the wrong way. She knows how to handle herself, yet if the situation arises where one of these drunken a-holes puts a hand on her the wrong way, I feel the need to jump right in. It has not happened, BUT I am always wary of it and prepared just in case it does. Mostly, it is regulars (like me) ior the occasional outsiders that are enamored with her and try like hell to get in her pants. After work or the next day or 2, she & I talk about it and laugh it off, and at least she tries to put me at ease about it. She also says she is loyal and doesn't screw around - something I have found out over the 3+ years I have known her (and one main reason what drove me to pursue her). But as they say, "Be careful what you wish for", because now it's my turn and although I trust her, I am skittish on things moving forward. At this point, I have to trust her and take her word for it - no??? Of course. Actions speak louder than words and we have had many conversations about trust and being loyal, although needing space. I am fine with it for now and really am having a great time with her. I do have feelings for her and I think she does the same for me. Let's just see how things go, because if they do go further, I don't want her to be working in a bar down the road!!!

At 4:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My GF (soon to be fiance') took a job at a SH*THOLE bar. Ley's just say I was LESS than impressed. And have thrown a few fits. I have realized that she truly loves me and any flirtatious behavior is to get tips.

I am getting better with it but it has not been an easy path. I guess my problem is that I want her treated with respect - and that wont happen so I am getting used to it. It is up to her to tolerate whatever she will tolerate.

At 11:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous, you are a fool. Drop this chick and find one that respects herself and you.


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