Friday, September 30, 2005

My alter ego

On a whim I decided to google my name...

I found someone who shares my full name

and is in the service industry just like me

although there is one small difference in our professions...

I tend bar
He tends to the sexual needs

I found him on a male escort review site. I read the reviews and he seems to be quite talented. Most of the reviews were quite descriptive as to what actions were performed and in what manner, but here is one of the tamer reviews:

Location: new york, new york
****'s Website

Ethnicity: Caucasian Age: 30's
Height: 6'1" (185 cm) Weight: 170-180 lbs (77-82 kg)
Build: Defined
Eyes: Green
Hair: Short Sandy Brown
Body Hair: Trimmed
Facial Hair: Goatee
Cock: Cut 6-7" (15-18 cm) Average

Orientation: Gay
Kissing: Yes
Masturbation: Both
Anal: Versatile
Roles: Companion Escort Travel
Smoking: No
Piercing: One
Rates for time only(US $): Session=250

Date: 05/2004
Type: 1
Hour Rate: $250
Rating: Recommended
Hire Again? Yes
Where Found? Chatroom
Reviewed Before? Yes
Match Description? Yes
Lived up? Yes

***** is a personable, responsible adult. He approaches what he does like a true and fair businessman, delivering what he promises (and then some), and always arriving on time, anytime. He even makes payment extremely convenient by offering his clients the ability to pay through his Web site, via PayPal.

He has a dry sense of humor, and is highly intelligent. He never delivers the goods and then simply leaves. Conversation is always included, naturally.

Frankly stated, having sex with **** is no different than having sex with one's lover, fuck buddy or boyfriend (if not better!)To those reading this review, you will just have to give him a try to see for yourself.

I recommend his services highly, as he is the only escort I have hired again and again.

Handle: MediterraneanThroat
Submissions: First Review

I am a white male, 38-yrs. of age, 5'11", 145lbs. I am professionally employed, and live in New York City.

My other alter egos are very musical fellows. One did a remix of a Vanessa Williams song, one is a violinist and one wrote a gospel song. Praise Jesus!!

Reducing Crime - The Republican Way

Oh my, my, my....

Former Secretary of Education for the Reagan Administration, Bill Bennett, shared quite a gem on his radio show:

"I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky."


Naturally this is creating a storm of controversy and his defense is that his quote was a hypothetical and is being taken out of context.

So what was the context? Well I've read the entire conversation here. And then I read the transcript of him trying to defend himself on Fox News. While it's clear he wasn't advocating for such an action to be taken, his statement still speaks VOLUMES for how he feels about African Americans.

So Mr. Bennett - go ahead and appear on Fox News and tell me about all the work you've done for the black community - I'm not convinced. That argument works about as well as the whole "I'm not a racist, I have a black friend" thing does.

Green Lantern Thursdays

Okay....before i type too much i ask that you keep in mind that i'm toxicated and that spell check is hopefuly taking care of most of my typos...

So Team Lady had another FABULOUS night at the Green Lantern with The Boy (love having him back). We are so happy to have him in our fold. Although Mrs Jesus may have been a bit too vocal however when it came time to say that applicant #1 wasn't good enough for The Boy - me thinks the applicant may have heard him......Mr. Bartender says the guy was cute but a bad tipper.....a point that The Boy pointed out to the applicant awhile back and therefore the applicant will hate Mr. Bartender for life...oh well...

Anyway MY major drama tonight was running in to Mrs. Jesus' coworker tonight.....I actually met him last week but he did not remember me.... Last week he profeessed that he was in the closet at work and felt uncomfortable having Mrs. Jesus see him at the Green Lantern. I resassured him that he was fine...

But tonight he forgot our conversation from last week, and forgot Mrs. Jesus and him running into each other (hey, it happens we were all drunk) but flipped out when he started hitting on me and I told him that what happens with me get's reported back to Mrs. Jesus. I could swear on a bible that Mrs. Jesus would be discreet about it. He fliped out but I wasn't going to lie -if something were to happen - I woudl tell Mrs Jeus right way. . She's my girl and there ain't no lies between us..... Closeted boy freaked out immediately and nothing happened, which fit perfectly into my rule that I told Mrs Jesus before he left tonight....

I said regarding cloested boy.... "It's fine if you choose to be in the closet, I will not out you for being gay. But do not expect of for a second that you can get laid with me when you're so in the closet. I understand where you're at in life, but no way will I put out for some closet case - no matter how hot you are"

So I go to pass out now....horny and alone..... but given the events of the night - it's for the best.... Once again, I'd rather sleep alone than fuck some closet case that won't even live his life honestly.....

even drunk Mr. Bartender has more integretity than that.....

Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Machine Is A Little Less Extraordinary

Next Tuesday will bring about the highly anticipated Fiona Apple release, Extraordinary Machine.

But for those of you, like me, who don't want to wait that long you can listen to a stream of the entire CD over at MySpace.

For the moment I'm trying to withhold judgement. I had been listening to the Jon Brion produced version of this CD that was leaked on the internet earlier this year and fell in love with it. These rerecorded and reproduced versions haven't quite wowed me yet. Still some quality work here, I'm just missing things that made the other version so amazing. Where oh where did the strings go on "Not About Love"???


Oh well, it's still great to have you back Fiona...

(iPod update - things were going great, but then I had some more issues connecting it to my comptuer this morning....grrrrrrr)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Substance Free

One of the things that make me happy:

I slept a full 10.5 hours last night without the aid of a sleeping pill or alchohol. Does this mean that my bout with insomnia may finally be over? We shall see...

Fun in the office...

At my day job we have a volunteer who comes in once a week to do some menial tasks that would be completely unnecessary if our IT people would build a database. Basically this volunteer’s job is to take information from 3 or 4 different calendars and put it onto one big master calendar. Not the most difficult work.

Normally this guy is stationed further away from me and I've never really observed him, but yesterday for some reason they plopped him down at the desk right next to me. Not a big deal right? Yeah, I didn’t think so either… After sitting there for about 5 minutes I heard him mumble something. Thinking he was talking to me I looked at him and said “excuse me, what was that?” He mumbled again while looking at his computer screen and I realized that his mumblings were not directed at me, no he was talking to himself.

Then he apparently ran into some difficulties with the task at hand because he began to get upset and his mumblings turned into such annunciated phrases as “what the f*ck? This makes no sense??” and “god damn it!!!” and my favorite “oh SH*T” while simultaneously taking his hand to swap at his monitor. Keep in mind he’s not doing anything A) all that important and B) all that difficult. Yet we have him right next to me having a panic attack and freaking out.

He began to quiet down, but his mumblings continued. It was clear that this man’s inner monologue has mutated into an outer dialogue, and it was one that made me uncomfortable.

Finally he finished up and was getting ready to leave.

He closed down Excel and said “goodbye” and waved at the computer screen.

He closed down Word and said “adios” continuing to wave.

He clicked -shutdown- and said “au revoir” and continued to wave until the screen went black.

Now this may be unchristian of me, but I am going to request that he never sit next to me again.

(iPod update - she's seems to be improving. After futzing around with my computer - uninstalling and reinstalling both iTunes and the iPod software several times - things appear to be working for now. I'm holding off on saying she made a full recovery until more time goes by without any further problems)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

This is why I don't go to Results

Last night after work I was feeling kind of tired and debated going straight home, but I knew I needed to go to the gym because I've been slacking a bit lately.

Now I know most people like large gyms, but I chose the one I go to specifically because it's small. Sure it may be lacking some equipment, but when I'm working out I like to be anonymous. I like to be left alone, focus on what I'm doing and not socialize with people I know. I don't want to have to worry about looking all sweaty and gross in front of the hot guy I was cruising at the bar the other night, or having my customer stare at me as I struggle to lift weights that don't appear to be all that heavy.

Generally I don't know anyone at the gym other than the regular gym bunnies who are always there. Last night was different. Within 5 minutes I ran into several randoms from my past:

* a guy I admired from a far until one day I mustered up enough courage to flirt with him. He dismissed me immediately on the spot.

* a guy that I had one date with. During the date it became clear our social networks were far too close and his was far too gossipy for me to put out. I ended things with a short and sweet goodnight kiss and neither one of us attempted date #2.

* a guy that was my first (and very tragic) hookup after having my heart thrown into a shredder a couple years back.

At first I was thrown for a bit of a loop. I started going about my routine adding a couple extra weights to every workout just so it looked more impressive. That, of course, meant my reps were cut down a bunch and I felt I was loosing my form and wasn't getting as good of a workout. Finally I had to talk myself down and say to myself "who cares that they're here - you look a million times better now than when that one rejected you or when you went on a bad date with that one or when you hooked up that other guy." I forced myself to stop being so insecure and continue on about my routine as I normally would.

And even though I managed to put aside my insecurity for a bit, when I had finished with my normal workout I can't tell you how fast I bolted out of that gym...

Monday, September 26, 2005

The Ex Factor

So it is always interesting when you find out your ex is seeing somebody else.

The ex and I decided to see a movie tonight. Of course he conveniently let it drop that me met a guy a few weeks ago in orlando and has been "dating" him long distance. This kind of makes things a little bit interesting considering that he has been telling me for two weeks how lonely he is. I assumed it was just because he missed me (actually, I think he just misses companionship, not really me).

I am not sure why it bothers me that he has already started seeing someone again when I haven't. Hell, I am not really sure that I want to see anybody. I am feeling just a little bit confused. I think that I am fine being alone right now... I guess I was just expecting him to be feeling the same way. I guess I just need to sort myself out.

I hope that I get some sleep tonight.

(Btw, Flightplan is definetly a rental)


This weekend found Team Lady leaving our fair city and venturing out to Virginia to celebrate R&S’s wedding. Now generally I am not a big fan of attending weddings. However, this couple is one that I truly love and it was a pleasure to be there for their special day. Most importantly they are a couple that I am sure will not turn into what Team Lady likes to refer to as the “smug marrieds”.

Now no matter how much I love a couple there are certain things about weddings that tend to be on going problems for Mr. Bartender.

Weddings are a time when Mr. Bartender can not accomplish his personal goal of never being around children. I thought I was going to be safe at this one as the bride had only approved one person (her sister) to bring a child. Everyone else was given strict orders to keep them at home. Well not everyone listened to this policy and of course a brat crossed my path. Now I understand kids are kids and they are going to do be fussy at times. But as a parent it is your responsibility to control your kid, if you can not do so you need to take the kid and leave the situation. The ceremony started and some little boy did not want to sit in his seat. His father tried to hold him back and the kids started fussing. Instead of being a responsible parent and taking the kid away, the father let the kid free to roam the aisle. Picking up rose petals and throwing them at people. I’m sorry dad, I’m sure you find Little Johnny’s antics to be adorable, but as for me I’m trying to watch the wedding. Be a considerate parent and remove your kid.

Second wedding problem - The Party Girl experienced it last weekend, now it was my turn. Bad bartenders. Not only was this guy S-L-O-W but he had no idea what he was doing. Mrs. Jesus ordered a dirty vodka martini, three sober minutes later Mrs. Jesus and I were shooting each other WTF looks as the bartender hands him some blue concoction. Mrs. Jesus was polite and drank it. Next person to order asked for a vodka-tonic, three sober minutes later he was handed a Bacardi Tonic. – ewww – I was up next and spoke slowly as I pointed to the bottles I wanted. As we walked away I pondered getting behind the bar and helping this poor man out. I ended up deciding against it because I didn’t want to be tacky and offend anyone, although I suspect the wedding guests would have been greatly relieved.

The other thing about weddings for me is that I always end up having some small tinge of jealousy. I see the happy couple up there pledging a lifetime together and I can’t help but reflect on my own failed relationships and all the baggage I’ve collected as a result. I begin to wonder when I’ll find that person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I try to only allow myself to wallow in those feelings for a small period of time as any longer than that is unhealthy. I then try to readjust my viewpoint and imagine what my wedding will be like. My friend Ashbear had the best wedding I’ve been to yet and I think I’m gonna steal many of her ideas….throw that in with some ideas from other weddings and some ideas of my own and it’ll be my perfect ceremony. I want it to be a small and simple affair. Like Ashbear I want to rent out a beach house in a small coastal town. The attire for the wedding guests will be casual and comfortable – no tuxes, no suits – just khakis and dress shirts. My hubby and me might wear tuxes because I’ve been told I clean up well, but other than that everyone casual. Only close family and friends will be invited – and certainly more friends than family. No one will be invited out of obligation or guilt. Only the people we WANT there will be invited. The ceremony will be short and non-religious. We’ll have our own vows that come from the heart. Children will not be allowed and someone will be given the task to ensure kids are kept away. If someone has a child there will be a room in the house they can stay with the kid until the ceremony is over. I’m not being upstaged by some brat. After the wedding we’ll have a nice dinner inside the house, and of course plenty of booze. After dinner we’ll head out to the porch and hopefully by this time I’ll have learned how to play the guitar and I’ll sing a song for my new hubbie. After that we’ll have our first dance. Then everyone will start dancing and we’ll keep the music playing loud and drinks poured strong to carry everyone through the night. At one point I’ll steal my man away from the crowd and head out to the shore for a moment alone. We’ll breathe a sigh of relief that it’s all finished, we’ll laugh at the toasts our friends gave and then we’ll enjoy a kiss in the moonlight, stars and waves. Then we’ll retreat back and tell everyone good night as we leave to fuck like bunnies. :)


Oh no!!! This morning I awoke to iPod problems. I wanted to load up the CD from some friends' wedding this weekend. I connected the iPod and iTunes hung for a bit and nothing would load up. Restarted the computer and iTunes loaded fine, but wouldn't recognize that the iPod was connected. Turned off the computer, unplugged the iPod and then the iPod itself gave me an error message and a ominous looking icon. I reset it and it appeared to load up just fine. Went to play a song and it just hanged. Reset it again and all my music was gone. No artists, no playlist - nothing. I began to sweat. Once again I reset it and thank God the music came back and this time it actually played. Now however certain songs will play for only a couple seconds and then skip to the next song.

My baby is broken, and I am sad :(

I'm gonna spend some time at iPod Lounge this morning to see if I can find a fix. All you kids in blogger land please say a little prayer for me...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

People are weird!!!

This isn't a new revelation by any means but good god people are just weird. I'm not talking like major crazy things, but just small stupid things that make you wonder what's going on in their minds. Last night at the bar there were three sets of crazies that reminded me of this fact.
  • First up was the guy walking all around the bar licking an ice cream cone. How he got past the door guy with that is beyond me. I'm not quite sure why he would want to eat ice cream in a bar. I can't imagine strawberry ice cream goes too well with that bud light. Odd, but hey to each their own...

  • Second group was 3 straight girls who decided to dance along to the music and kept bumping into customers (and no we do not have a dance floor in my bar). A guy came up to me to complain and to inform me they had their shoes off. So I got up from behind the bar, told them to calm it down and that they need to put their shoes back on as it's a health code violation. So what do they decide to do?? Sulk in the corner all of them listening to their iPods. What the fuck is that??? Why would you listen to your iPod in a crowded noisy bar??? You won't be able to hear your music that well anyway and don't you go to a bar to socialize??

  • Last customer of the night informed me that he was a composer. His latest composition according to him is being recorded by Emmylou Harris. Then he sang it for me. It was an incest song about a little girl who likes to ride on her father's cock. *sigh* Thank God it was closing time and I could kick him out with out explaining to him what a fucking freak he is.

Where do these people come from?? I blame them for my decision at the very end of the night to do a round of Grand Marnier with the other bartenders . And that one round of shots led to another round with led to a total of 4 rounds of GM. head hurts...

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Plan your own pole-dance party...

We now have a theme for Team Lady's next party

Guide to Gay Bar Behavior for Straight Girls

A topic that keeps popping up lately in our social network is the question of straight girls in gay bars. It's been discussed on DC Urban Family and has been a part of many recent conversations among Team Lady.

Let me preface this entire conversation though by saying there are actually a good number of straight girls that I LOVE to have in my bar. They are the ones who are laid back and chill. They know how to behave and have a good time without making a spectacle of themselves. The girls from the Urban Family are a perfect example. And Team Lady's favorite girl "Prada" can constantly be found by our side. I don't have a problem with straight girls.

That being said.... just like Pavlov's dog, experience has taught me to react poorly when I see a straight girl walk up to the bar (or worse a group of them). I have had enough bad experiences that immediately I begin to cringe a little inside thinking of all the possible things that could face me for the evening.

So to help build a bridge of understanding I'd like to offer Mr. Bartenders Guide to Gay Bar Behavior for Straight Girls:

We are not here for your entertainment:
You are not going to the circus or the zoo - the gay boys are not a spectacle or a novelty here for your entertainment. If you see two boys flirting or kissing, please do not point and/or laugh. If you want to go to a gay bar to be entertained by the fags - please just stay home. One time I was out at JRs and this girl insisted on going into the guy's restroom because she wanted "to see what you boys do in there". You know what I do in a bathroom? I pee. Shocking I know...

Do not expect special treatment:
I know that you are daddy's little princess, but here you're out ranked by a bar full of queens. Lose the attitude. Oh and stop flaunting your breasts, they don't work here. Do not use them to try and score free drinks from either the bartender or the other customers. Oh and since you're now buying your own drinks - remember to tip, it's rude not to.

Do not try to play matchmaker:
Yes I know that you have a hot friend who is gay, but that does not mean he's right for every cute guy you see out at the gay bar. Gay attraction is more complex than gay man + gay man = perfect match. Gay men can be quite finicky bitches when it comes to dating and unless your gay friend ASKS you to approach a guy on his behalf, don't even think about it. In fact, if he does ask you to do it I'd caution him against it. Personally I'm much more likely to talk to a guy who has the balls to come over to me himself instead of sending someone in to break the ice.

Be aware of space limitations:
Bars tend to get quite packed & crowded on busy nights, gay bars are no exception. Sure our bars may play better music but if you're not on the dance floor - don't dance. No one wants you bumping into them and spilling their cocktail. And trust me, if I have to watch you mimicking the latest slutty-teen-pop-superstar I'm gonna need all the booze I can get. Take it to the dance floor, if there's no dance floor- don't dance. Oh and if you know you're going to a crowded bar, leave your supersized purse at home. No one wants to keep getting hit with that thing every time you turn around.

Don't be homophobic:
Yes I know this one should be a no brainer, but sadly it's not. I can understand how you may get upset with a someone at the bar. I know for a fact that some gay men can be complete dicks and deserve a good ol' insult hurled their way. But please do not resort to calling someone a fag. There are plenty of other insults at your disposal - you do not need to chose the cheap and easy route that will inevitably piss off all the other guys at the bar. Also if someone assumes you're a lesbian or you get hit on by a girl, don't get all offended. Oh and please do not make it a point to inform everyone that you are not a lesbian. Really we don't care, if we do - we'll ask.

Flirt with the gay boys wisely:
Remember there's a difference between someone flirting and someone just being a dumb ass. I'm always up for someone throwing a compliment my way even if its from someone I have no interest in. I appreciate it if you tell me I have beautiful eyes, or a good smile - to that I say thank you. I will take that compliment. I do not appreciate you asking me "are you sure you're gay???" because yes I am sure - I am very gay, I have references. Or worse yet "what? you're gay? that's such a shame" - no it's not a shame and it's not a waste, I love being gay. Hell it prevents me from dating girls who would say stupid comments like that!

Get out of your head voice:
There is nothing more annoying to me when bartending than that one high and shrill voice that carries through the din of drunken conversations and loud music and pierces right through my ear. If your speaking voice is like Janice from Friends you need to take it down a couple notches (or a hundred). Remember you vocal cords are in your throat, not your head.

Above all, relax and don't be obnoxious:
I understand how sometimes it's fun for you to escape getting hit on by straight men and just want to let your hair down and have fun. That's great. But not having to impress a straight guy does not excuse you from having to behave yourself. Out of control drunks are annoying, even more so when they don't have a penis and you can't take advantage of their intoxicated state. Ladies, we love having you at our bar, but please just be laid back, chill and fun. No one wants to have to babysit the straight girl when we're trying to get laid...

That's all I have for the moment...anyone have anything to add?

odd things heard in the office

Mr. Bartender is at his "real" job today, and was just asked the following question from his boss...

"how do you spell necrophiliac?"

... i do not want to know what project he is currently working on...

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Slippery Slope

So my whole weekend and the following week have been one slippery slope.

It all started on Saturday when I met up with BGK for drinks on the circuit. Of course I decided to have a few cocktails before meeting up and decided to send a text message to the ex. Always a mistake! I was just feeling a little bit lonely and next thing you know I have opened a nightmare can of worms. He decides that he is going to come over to see how I am doing. Luckily by the time I get his text message I am mid-way through my first cocktail at JRs with BGK. Thank god!

After a drink or two at JRs we head over to Cobalt. Now I have noticed that the psycho guy that I had two random hook-ups with seems to be in my line of sight everywhere I go in the bar (this is the guy that told me he was going to watch for me everywhere I went and if he ever saw me talking to someone he would tell them what a dick I was... guy is definitely crazy! I am not even mentioning how this whole conversation came about). Well, I decide that it is time for me to reclaim my bars from psycho so I march up to him and make a smart ass comment to which he replies a good ole f' you. I respond by flicking him off in a wildly obvious gesture (wanted to make sure everyone saw) and gave him a big ole f' you back and I promptly walked away. I definitely felt very empowered. How could I let some crazy Navy guy make me feel weird anymore... NO MAAM!

So that leads us to Sunday. I am sure that you can read bartender's description of the little party and know that we all were trashed. The ex that I texted the night before made an appearance and so we decided to talk real quick. It was cool... we are fine...just owned up to being a little bit lonely and we agreed that we all feel that way sometimes and it ok to own up to it with eachother (clearly not a good idea but that is what we decided after numerous cocktails).

I wake up bright and early on Sunday morning to text from telling me how lonely he is feeling... and here we go. Now we are both on the slippery slope... every phrase, every comment, every IM, everything leads us right back to the week after we broke up. All of the coded messages and reading into everything that is said. I want off the slope!


By the way... I hate my job this week that is for another entry some other time!

Movie Preview

Just saw the trailer for Brokeback Mountain and not quite sure what to think of it.

I'm torn between thinking it looks really good and thinking it looks really cheesy...

I did enjoy the line "I wish I knew how to quit you" though ... oh how i could have said that line several times in my past...

and certainly wouldn't mind seeing these two kiss...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

great caption

yes indeed he is...

(yanked from

Monday, September 19, 2005

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to...

oh the irony

Friday I make a post chiding the gay youth for their Jerry Springer style drama and then Sunday I engage in some high drama myself.

I forgot a basic equasion:

unresolved issues
tragic mess

Sunday afternoon my roommate and I hosted a little housewarming party for 50-60 of our closest friends. Much alcohol was purchased and consumed. For the most of the afternoon things were great. I was happy with the turn out - saw some people I haven't seen in ages and was able to mingle with some new friends that are coming into our social scene. It really was a blast. The ex arrived and even that was nice - at least initially.

Couple hours went by, more alcohol was consumed and the ex and I engaged in some conversation. Things were going fine until we hit a point where we disagreed about some health issues and I expressed concern. That spiraled to a semi-heated exchange which ended with me retreating to the kitchen with Mrs. Jesus following shortly behind.

I believe the words "if he doesn't fucking care if he's gonna die why should I?" escaped my mouth as tears started rolling down my face. Mrs. Jesus did her best to calm me down.

She wasn't the most successful.

The ex followed to the kitchen and told me to relax and so I retreated to my bedroom in full door slamming action. The ex followed, we talked about it more, he agreed to take care of himself (which at this point was probably just said to calm me down), then we passed out, then we snuggled.

I woke up with my head pounding and painful memories of being that trashy drama lady last night. But I guess it was for the best - if anything at least he knows that I still do care and want him to be healthy. He agreed to take care of himself, which at this point I can only take him at his word. As I said (slurred) last night to Mrs. Jesus "I'm no longer his boyfriend, I know it's no longer my place to take care of him - it's still hard to sit back and watch though..."

If anything, last night helped provide some closure. He's actually going to be leaving DC soon and things have been awkward between us for a bit now. Having one final argument followed by one make up conversation helped close many outstanding issues for us. Having one final night in each others arms was a perfect way to send him off to his new life. He knows that even though I broke up with him I still do care for him.

After all I don't allow myself to become the crying tragic mess over just anybody...

Friday, September 16, 2005


To go off of what BGK said below - I am SO over Badlands (currently called Apex) It has become one of those places that every time I go there I swear it'll be the last.

Two weeks ago after our excursion at GL we were feeling no pain and wanted to continue on with the celebration. For some reason we headed off to Sadlands.

The first thing that I noticed upon entering was just how young everyone is there. And I'm not just talking about age - I'm talking about mentality. I don't think I was ever as young as some of these kids. The new crop of the early twenty-somethings are truly a frightening bunch. They have this weird dichotomy of strong ego and sense of entitlement mixed in with insecurity and a complete lack of the basic understanding of who they are a person.

When mixed with alcohol this can only lead to trouble. Or at least a very annoyed Mr. Bartender.

The gay boys no longer walk around the bar, their straight girlfriends grab them by the hand and drag them around. It's disturbingly fascinating to watch. Come on boys, what happened to your balls?? Have they dropped yet??

I also find that if I'm going to walk through a bar filled with that many obnoxious college twinks I'm going to need to start wearing protective gear. These kids walk with their arms and purses flying in all directions. Being in these twinks presence mean you're going to get constantly walked into and bumped (probably as a result of all the bumps they just snorted in the bathroom seconds earlier). That is not the kind of body contact I'm looking for.

And oohhhhhh the drama.... now team lady has had our share of drunken bar drama - we're gay problem-drinkers so of course we have drama - but even when trashed we tend to keep the drama within the fold of those involved. We hide our drama from the other bar patrons. After all, if we come across as a bitchy queen how are we gonna get laid?? Well these Sadlands queens get all Jerry Springer with their drama. It's as if they feel it is their duty to put on a show for a captivated audience. Changing where you stand in the bar is like changing the channels on tv - flipping from one "reality" tv drama to the next.

So free drinks or not - give me Green Lantern any day of the week over Sadlands. I like being among shirtless low-attitude men much more than shirtless raver twinks. I like it that when I get bumped into at the Green Lantern that people actually turn around and apologize or say excuse me. I LOVE being able to go out to relax and be sure that they only headache I will receive will be from the copious amount of alcohol I consumed, and not from the crowd at the bar.


Favorite Moments from Last Night:

1. The guy who cuts my hair was on time for the first time ever allowing me enough time for one pre-cocktail at bartender's apartment (I am not counting the shot of bourbon I took as I was leaving my apartment for the salon) before going to GL.

2. Big Gay Kevin and I serenading the members of our carload with "I've Been to Paradise But I've Never Been to Me."

3. Rescuing the boy for several potentially scary men at GL.

4. Putting my hands down Big Gay Kevin's pants to have him tell me that he has a turtle because of the humidity.

5. Realizing that Big Gay Kevin has slept with 3 of the 4 people we were hanging with.

6. The stumbly walk up 14th Street on my way home.

Looking forward to a night of bills, cleaning, and laundry!!! Woo hoo!!!

I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.

I love Team Lady's night out on Thursday. It's become a bit of routine like we used to have back when Adam was still with us--those formative days of the gay 20's when our routine stretched from Thursday evening to Monday evening, bouncing from Jr.'s to Cobalt, to Jr.'s to Cobalt and back to Jr.'s. (deep breath and sigh). I think Thursday is about all I can handle nowadays.

I'm aging, finally. How do I know this? I used to go to Apex even when I knew I was too old for the average crowd. I know, but I persisted out of denial, all along being shamed by the thought of becoming an ogre that panders for youth and settles for copping a feel on college night at the gay bars. But two weeks ago, I walked into Apex with a different perspective. Those lustful thoughts were still present, but they were being weighed in a sort of balance. A counterpoint could be heard to my familiar tune. And that paradox, simply put, was patience. Or rather, a lack thereof. I simply don't have the patience for it anymore.

So, I've traded in Apex for Green Lantern. It still requires patience, but of a different kind. And few and far between does it need to be exercised to the extent were I at Apex. There is the shirtless aspect. There is still the banter. There is still the ass grabbing. And there is the occasional older ogre than I that you have to beat off with a stick, but over all it sits well with me. I'm ok with the Green Lantern. Check my ID, give me my plastic cup and I'll take my shirt off and belly up to the bar for free liquor any ole' day!

the ladies start blogging

Welcome to "and so it is..." a blog for the ever enchanting and often intoxicated members of Team Ladies.This blog will be no different than many of the blogs out there. In fact, I predict this blog will last no more than a month - soon we stop mustering up the energy to remember the sordid details of the prior evening in our hungover stupor. But alas, we're giving it a go...Stay tuned