Monday, October 31, 2005

There is no such thing as a free lunch....

I'm off to get my free burrito in my tin foil panties...

Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween everybody!!!

Not a whole lot to report from the weekend. It was relatively tame at the bar. Was surprised by how few people came out in costumes this weekend. Even those coming from parties managed to go home and change before going out to drink. Odd. Meanwhile I discovered bartending half naked produces surprising results. The lesbians were all about molesting me in the bathroom while the gay men were relatively tame. The boys were content to sit and stare, the girls wanted to touch.

Saturday night, thanks to days light savings, we stayed open an extra hour - which was completely unnecessary. It certainly helped improve sales, but seriously no one at the bar needed anything more to drink. People were absolutely trashed. Sadly management wouldn't have been too thrilled if I went and cut off the entire bar so I continued to serve and prayed they'd save the vomiting for when they got home.

One of the few non-tragic guys on Saturday told me I had a nice smile, which given my half-naked state was a welcome departure from the people staring at anything but my smile. So in a very rare move for me I slipped him my email address in with his change. He responded today and I've already lost interest. Maybe it's just me, but if you're sending me a first email don't use shorthand. Phrases like "how r u" and "ur turn...tell me bout u" should not appear in anything but text messages. I'm far from a grammar queen but not spelling your words out just screams lazy.

Sunday I got overserved myself. Brunch with Mrs. Jesus and Visiting Hottie turned into quite the drink-a-thon at JRs. Luckily getting trashed early meant I got home early and was able to sleep off a good portion of the hangover.

(on a side note, Cheers have to go out to were represented very well this weekend...)


Friday, October 28, 2005

Links galore!

Alright this post is all about links stolen from other people:

1. Dale found and emailed me this gem. It's quite an educational and entertaining read. I have to admit some fear when I forwarded it to my boss and he noted just a few short seconds later that they were missing a definition for "scat". Oh and did they really need to use the word "frothy" in describing "santorum"?

2. Sulu finally came out!! Okay, any closeted celebrities that may be reading this blog (yeah right...) I've got a word of advise for you. You need to come out of the closet when you're young and at the top of your game. Waiting until you're a washed up 68 year old D-list celeb does no one any good. If you come out now not only will you score a big one for gay visibility you'll also be able to get all sorts of hot sexy starfuckers back to your mansion.

Matthew Fox, are you listening to me???

(first sight of this news on here and here)

3. Jimbo's site is also where I found this Washington Blade Story about the 15 year sentence of Wyatt Wood - a local meth dealer. Now if you ask me he got off easy and I've got some words for him - Fuck you Wyatt! If it was up to me you'd be locked up for life. The damage you have done to our community has been devastating and depressing. Sadly you are just a the tip of the iceburg of a very big problem. I've seen first hand too many people's lives destroyed by the shit you peddled. Because of people like you I've experienced darker days than I ever imagined I'd see. I sure hope your days rotting in a jail cell is just as dark.
Karma can be bitch, can't she?

Thursday, October 27, 2005

More Bar Etiquette

Once again I refer you to The Sean Show for a very important read for anyone who steps foot into a bar.

A couple things to add:

1. Have your money out and ready to go - the majority of you out there have lived in a capitalist country for at least 21 years of your life so it should not come as a surprise to you that goods and services require you to pay a fee. You know you're going to have to pay for the drink you just ordered so have your money out. When the bar is busy and crowded I do not have time to wait for you to fumble through your purse looking for exact change. Not only does it slow things down for me, but it pisses off the thirsty people behind you waiting for a drink.

2. I know you hate to wait for a drink but I can guarantee you'll be waiting a LONG ASS time if you A) reach over the bar and tap me or B) throw something at me. It is never okay to touch the bartender without his permission and hurling an object at me will result in your immediate departure from the bar. Screaming out bartender's name while he's taking someone else's order is also equally obnoxious. If you want my attention look at rule #1 and get your twenty out. People who have their money out and look like they know what they want always get my attention first.

3. What not to say:
* "ooooh I'm out of cash, I'll tip you next time" - i can understand if you run out of cash and need to go to the ATM but don't tell me you'll tip me next time. Prove it.

* "what will $3 get me?" - a dirty look and directions to the ATM

* "what's the cheapest drink I can order?" - okay saying this signals you're gonna leave a shitty tip.

* "okay i'm REALLY sorry here and it's gonna be long because i've got a REALLY complicated order, I know you're gonna hate me for it and I feel really bad..." - stop with the long explanation for why your drink is so complicated because more than likely your explanation is more complicated than the drink order itself. Just tell me what you want...

4. Some may disagree with me on this last one, but if you're gonna be so cheap as to leave me a quarter as a tip you may as well just keep it to yourself. Seriously a quarter tip is more insulting than no tip at all.

That's it for now...rush over to The Sean Show for the rest of your lesson...

Nekid bois

1. With no new episode of Lost to keep me entertained last night I was left with no other choice than to go out and drink myself silly. Attended a going away party for a hottie that I've been lusting after for years and then for some reason was convinced to go to Wet. Now I'm not hating on the idea of naked men - i heart naked men - there's just something unappealing about it for me at strip joints. Maybe I like a bit more of the game, the challenge. When it's given so freely (on stage none-the-less) it's no longer sexy, it's just funny. Especially when you step into the strip joint and see one of your regulars up there. I made sure to cheer loudly for him in hopes he'll use some of that $200 to give me a handsome tip this weekend. We shall see...

2. I have to link to this blog if for no other reason than her describing "Getting things off my chest" as a "mental mastectomy" - hilarious.

3. New iPod update:

3733 songs
14 videos
2403 photos

Last night figured out how to get non-iPod compatible files converted into iPod friendly format. For those Windows users wondering - do not purchase the full version of Quicktime 7 - didn't help me a bit and was a complete waste of $30. Instead download this for free. Works perfect and is amazingly simple. It helped me get an hour and half porn on my iPod. Going back home to the no-cell-phone-reception-or-internet-access-midwest will be so much better when I can take my porn collection with me.

4. Another thought on strippers - what ever happened to chest hair?? There's nothing more sexy to me than a nice masc hairy chest. Now if they happen to be naturally smooth that's fine - and some trimming is even okay (just don't get carried away guys), but whats up with all the waxing & shaving the hair off??? Makes me so sad. Oh and these kids truly exemplified everything wrong with the guys who refer to themselves as "bois". Kevin described it perfectly in an email (subject line - remind me next time - no wet) :

"i don't think the child labor law is enforced there, sadly.
thin is one thing, but those dancers looked mal-nourished."
oh god, reading that just reminded me that in an intoxicated state I screamed "eat a hamburger" to a stripper . *sigh* Yeah, sometimes the drunk version of me says the tackiest (but true) things.

5. I leave you with some fab Halloween costumes (the last one is my absolute favorite):

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Star Wars Goes Gay

Hys-fucking-sterical trailer mash up for the fictional "Romance of The Jedi"

... yanked from Transbuddha ...

( be sure to also check out the trailer for The Shining )


Do I find this iPod Shuffle accessory so damn annoying?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

So much to say!

Sorry for the slight delay in an update. The weekend was absolutely crazy. Here’s what’s been keeping me so busy:

1. Jesus walked on water and my iPod returned from the dead!! Yes, as I was heading to the bar on Friday I thought about sneaking over to the iPod store in VA and get them to send it in for repairs. I picked it out of my bag and noticed all of the sudden it was working!!! Well, kinda. It was still very sick – unable to play about half of the songs and lagging big time on the ones it could play. But it worked!! I was shocked. It died again on Sunday but I just shook the hell out of it and it began to work (kinda) again. Because of iPod’s resurrection I remained in unusually good spirits on Friday despite the slow crowd. Even managed to smile and joke around with the most annoying customers. Rode that natural high through the night and supplemented it with a touch of alcohol. Got to bed that night still happy and very tipsy…

2. Spent Saturday afternoon shopping with my favorite coworker on a quest for our Halloween costumes. While we weren’t able to find our original idea, I think we managed to go one step above. Very cute idea, and I think it’ll play well.

3. Painfully slow night on Saturday at the bar. Rainy weather + Miss Adams Morgan = No one at my bar. Slow nights can just a bitch. Not just in terms of the financials, but slow nights just drag on and on and on….that being said there were some memorable moments….

4. Most enjoyable of those moments was the surprise guest appearance of Sean and company. They provided some much need relief in what appeared to be the start of a tragic evening. In addition to being good company, their presence upped the eye candy level many degrees. To the reader’s of Sean’s blog, I’ll tell ya he’s just as hot as you fantasized thought he’d be and then some...

5. I realized that I should have been more specific with my “Rules for dating and hitting on a bartender”. A customer handed me a wad of $1 bills with a phone number hidden inside. Initially it appeared he was following rule #5 quite well - that is until next round when he ordered a beer. I considered comping his drink but after receiving his phone number a comp drink would imply a shared interest on my part. I hadn’t decided about him yet and wasn’t going to send any signals. I charged him for the drink and he fumbled around a bit and said “oooh, well actually I gave you all of my money with that tip – can you just take it out of there?” What a hillariously tacky moment.

6. Endured several tragic straight girls Saturday night as well. Favorite moment was when this girl set her empty bottle of Miller Light on the bar and asked for another. I gave her a new one, charged her and a minute later she screams out my name. I go over to see what’s up and she starts laying into me for giving her an empty bottle. I pause, look at her and say “it would help if you’d grab the full bottle I gave to you and not the empty one you gave to me”

7. Request to all my customers – please do not smoke a crack pipe in the premises where I work. I'd appreciate if you'd take that shit elsewhere. Thank you.

8. Got home from the bar around 4:00 AM and immediately crashed so I could prepare for my 7:30 wakeup call. Yes indeed, my day job had an event on Sunday and I had my first meeting for that on Sunday morning at 9:30. Worked the whole day until just past midnight. Nothing quite like a 14 hour work day on 3 hours of sleep.

9. The event on Sunday had numerous VIPs and big wigs which isn't a big deal to me, but apparently people doubt it when I say what I do. While working I ran into a guy I had two bad dates with several months back. He approached me and said “I didn’t REALLY think you worked here but when I saw you walk in with XXX I was like I ‘wow I guess he DOES work here’” What the hell is that about??? Just because I bartend I must be lying about my “real” job? Obnoxious!

10. On Sunday I met a woman who was nice but just a little too open. It started off fine but then she told me she’s been married for 18 years and asked if I was married. I said “nah, it’s not exactly legal for me to marry just yet”. She paused for a bit until it dawned on her just what I was saying. That of course was followed up with “Hmmm, who could I set you up with?? Oh I know a great gay doctor in Boston”. *sigh* Anyway, she apparently took my "coming out" to her (is it really coming out when you're already out?) as a sign that we are completely open with each other. Soon we were discussing her dissolving marriage, their difficulties having children, how the husband resents her for being infertile and not being able to carry on his legacy and how for this reason he was unsupportive when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Now I was sympathetic to her and really do feel bad she’s had to endure all of that – but why the hell would you share that much personal info with a complete stranger. Awkward moment...

11. Monday morning had a 3 hour meeting and returned to my desk sleep and tired from the weekend. Luckily fate decided I deserved a little suprise for all of my hard work and graced me with a small box from Fed Ex. Yes, my new iPod had arrived two days earlier than Fed Ex predicted!!! I spent last night loading it with oodles of music and am loving it so far – the display really is a thing of beauty. I’m going to be babying until this arrives as it’s been reported to scratch insanely easy.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Mr. Bartender Needs

Here's a google game for ya:

Do a search with your first name and needs in quotes - i.e. "Saddam needs" and post the top 10 results...

Here's what google says about me:


* a new name!
* Help
* a consequence for misbehavior, time outs work usually work well (i've been a bad, bad boy)
* to change his classroom management practices so he can focus on providing the excellent instruction every student deserves
* experienced adoptive parents willing to provide daily enrichment activities including athletics, advocacy with teachers, and lots of parental time and attention. (so are you saying i need to find a daddy?)
* to answer some questions.
* to unwind the wire from the chicken coop to get straight wire. (indeed)
* to come out of the closet (been there, done that)
* to move on. (*sigh* i guess it's time)
* to be a member of the Administrator's group on his own computer in order to install antivirus software.

Those were my first ten....but there were some other gems in the bunch:

* lots of support on the home front and elsewhere to help him maintain good boundaries. Part of that support is helping him learn to ask for hugs (can i have a hug? especially if you're cute, muscular and have a hairy chest)
* everyone's thoughts, well-wishes -- and financial help (amen on the financial help...the best nation is donation)
* his fuckin' pipes cleaned (oh yeah)
* a hug, but mostly “Mr. Bartender” just needs a girl. (nah, i'll just take the hug)
* to get laid more than anyone I know (amen sista')
* a wife to help get custody of his two children that currently reside with their abusive mother, Belinda (nah she can keep them, i hate kids)
* to be with someone who is going to make him face his demons and not feed them (my demons like food)
* more hands for his drinks (too true)
* a SHAG. (my lack of sex appears to be a theme)
* to exercise more and eat less (ouch!)

In Loving Memory - iPod

Some Haiku's I wrote for my deceased iPod, and one for the arrival of the new one

Goodbye to iPod
I miss you ever so much
Without you I'm lost

Oh my dear iPod
I'll remember you always
Thanks for the music

Video iPod
You are being shipped to me
I hope you play porn

I'd like to take a moment to reflect on the memories of my recently deceased iPod. He had only been with me for 8 months, but in that short period of time I had experienced a love unlike any other.

My relationship with iPod started off a bit shaky. In fact, I was resistant to the idea of getting an iPod for quite some time. Friends would say "Mr. Bartender, you of all people NEED to have an iPod" but I felt an iPod reeked of corporate pop commercialism. I wasn't going to be swayed by this trend.

But come Valentines Day the incredibly sweet guy I was dating at the time brought an iPod into my world. When the iPod and I first met I was unable to use him. My computer was a crappy Pentium I that could barely run Win 98. But thanks to Mrs. Jesus I was able to load my iPod up with some favorite songs and begin to develop a relationship with him. Within an hour all of my doubts about an iPod were gone. I had found a new love in my life, in the palm of my hand. This new love so dominated my thoughts that one week after getting him I jumped out to buy a brand new computer just so he could I could feed him the music he wanted from the comfort of my own home.

iPod and I went everywhere together. He would accompany me at work, singing little songs to me to get me through my day. He would join me at the gym giving me the motivation to make it through that last rep, or the final 15 minutes on the elliptical. He would come with me to the bar and make friends with the soundboard, giving me a much needed break from the cheesy pop sounds I was forced to listen to all night. He knew what I liked, and how to please me.

Sadly he begin to show signs of an illness a couple months after we started with our life together. It started off as small things - his click wheel would occasionally be slow for a day. Then it started getting worse - sometimes at the end of a song he would attempt to play another but try as he might he just couldn't do it. He would end up passing out, only to be revived by a system reset.

Then about a month ago he went into a coma. He became unresponsive to my computer and was unable to take a new songs. He even had trouble playing songs on his own. I grew quite concerned, but after a week he seemed to improve. That is until yesterday when all hell broke loose. I arrived at work and he started skipping. He couldn't make it through a single song, he tried and he tried and then he froze. Worried, I quickly reset him and got a folder of trouble.

I reset him again

and again

and again

I grew concerned and a tear welled in my eye. By the time I had arrived home his condition had not improved at all. I connected him to the computer and attempted a complete reinstall. It had 8:33 PM, he was pronounced dead.

(a moment of silence please)



I miss him so much already and it's only been a day. My boss was blasting opera music out of his office yesterday and I had no iPod to save me and my ears. At the gym "the talkers" felt I was one of them and tried to get me stuck in conversation. My walk to work in the rain was so quiet that my subconscious became a jukebox of crappy music in his absence. Random songs that I hate popped into my head for no reason - why oh why is Michael Jackson's "Black or White" in my mind?? Help me!!!!

So iPod as you walk through those pearly gates of iPod heaven, please think of me fondly. I enjoyed our many hours together. You were more than a lover, you were a friend. I leave you with some words from Patty Griffin's "Long Ride Home" to describe how I'm feeling without you. I know you loved that song (and all 4 versions of it I gave you) as much as I do.

"Headlights searching down the driveway
The house as dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
and feels as empty as the inside of me"

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Mr. Bartender is a Playboy

Here's a quiz as first seen on The Sean Show:

My results

The Playboy - Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSMm) Clean. Smooth. Successful. You're The Playboy. You're spontaneous, and your energy is highly contagious. Guys therefore find you fun to be around, and girls find you compelling. You have lots of sex, and you manage it all without seeming cheap or being hurtful. Well done. You probably know karate, too.

It's obvious to us, and probably everyone else, that you're after physical rather than emotional relationships, but you're straight up with potential partners. And if a guy you want isn't into something casual, it's no big deal. You move on. BEFORE sleeping with him. Usually. At least you try to. Such control is rare. If you're feeling unfulfilled, maybe you should raise your standards. New conquests will only be satisfying if there's a possibility of rejection.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Mixed Messenger
CONSIDER: The Bachelor, The Poolboy

Your exact opposite:The Mixed MessengerDeliberate Brutal Love Dreamer


So now, I'm not entirely sure I agree with the results... I think they need to rethink the formula for gay guys. Because for being a Playboy I should be getting laid a helluva lot more than I am. Maybe I'm just a Playboy who is bad at his game.

Also some of the questions were a bit odd. How many people have you kissed?? WTF? Who would even know where to BEGIN answering that one!?!?

Even some questions like the number of times you've had sex in the past year were hard for me. I think I can remember all potential times, but I couldn't help but wonder what would be considered a valid sexual experience. I found myself asking myself stupid things like "well what about the time I was really drunk and started to hook up with a guy but instead I ended up lecturing him about safe sex after he asked me to fuck him without a condom? - does that count ?" (uh yeah that was a fun filled night...)

Anyway agree with the results or not, still a fun little test...I encourage y'all to take it and post your results in the comments...

A fool and his money...

So my iPod totally crapped out at me today at work. It's been having some issues for the better part of this month but seemed to be back to normal over the course of the past week or so. I thought things had improved.

I was wrong...

Today the second I got into work it started playing the first 5 or 10 seconds of every song, pause for a good 5 seconds, and then skip to the next song. Finally it stopped all together. I reset it, the apple icon flashed at me, followed by a folder and exclamation point. No amount of resets would bring this baby back to life.

I checked iPod's website for help and found none. I went to iPodlounge and still no such luck. I called customer support and was told that you are only allowed one free tech question within the first 90 days and after that it'll cost you $58 a pop. Yikes!

So I got to thinking. I may be able to fix it when I get home and reinstall everything (update - no such luck), but I've done that several times lately and it's clear there is a more serious problem. It's been acting up a lot lately and needs to go see the iPod doctor. That would involve sending it away and waiting for an extended period without my baby.

Maybe my baby was telling me something...

Maybe she wanted me to find something better...

Something with more storage...

Something with color...

Something that can play video....

Yes, in 5-7 business days I will be the proud owner of the new 60 gig, video playing iPod. I soooooo do not have the abundance of money that would justify such a purchase but I found rationalization in other forms. First of all I'm a music WHORE. To the point where I've outgrown my current 20 gig. I've been finding myself torn as what to delete off my iPod to make room for new stuff. Second of all, well I don't really have a second of all....I just used the dead iPod in front of me and my addiction to music to justify this purchase....

That's alright, right?

(FYI - I was a little hesitant to post this, but damn it I'm not ashamed to admit my love for Dolly - the last song my iPod played all the way through was Dolly Parton's "Here You Come Again")

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

More Randomness from Mr. Bartender

1. Mr. Bartender Blushes - I just had one of those moments that made me just wanna stick my head underneath my desk in embarrassment. I received a misrouted phone call that was for a different department. Being ever so helpful I suggested they speak to a particularly delightful person down in Marketing and proceeded to transfer the call over. I was gonna announce the caller to delightful person when she picked up but instead I got a voicemail saying "sorry I am out of the office at the moment..." So I got back on the line with the caller and said "well she's out of the office at the moment but she really is the best person for you to speak with. Would you like to leave a voicemail?". Caller said yes and I transferred on over to voicemail. I got off the phone and a coworker turned to me and said "um, you know that uh - she died last week, right?" Hmmm...yeah I guess I did know that but it just slipped my mind. Great! So I just transferred to a dead woman's voicemail. Ugh!

2. Mr. Bartender's Coworker Brushes - Also today a random moment with a coworker who I've always found to be a little odd. My boss and I were in his office chatting. Coworker comes in, starts looking through his desk drawers and finds a tube of toothpaste. She proceeds to spread toothpaste on her finger, brush her teeth with her finger and leave - all without saying a word. People are so weird.

3. Conversation with Mom - Nothing to add a little zest in my week like a good phone call with Mom. This week she played the role of the small midwest town gossip. Apparently she found out that a girl I went to high school with is having all sorts of troubles in life - diagnosed as manic-depressive, heavy into all sorts of drugs, mother of two kids by two different fathers and in and out of jail. This girls parent's have gotten a court order to have sole custody of the kids and in their mid 50s are raising them as their own. Mom went on for quite a bit about what a tragedy the whole situation was. I think I showed remarkable restraint by not using that moment to say "see mom, there are FAR worse things than having two gay kids".

4. Serious note - well if a dead coworker and a former classmate turned crack-whore wasn't serious enough for one posting here's a sobering report from We've all heard about how the biological-weapons sensors went off a couple weeks ago here in DC, and how it took a week for the government to make it public (or even communicate it to the appropriate health officials), and how at the end of the day they claimed it was just an naturally occurring environmental fluke. Salon details other possibilities such as an attempted terrorist attack gone wrong or a trial run for a terrorist group testing how well our sensors/alert system worked. One little snip-it on why the gov's story doesn't add up:

There was another troubling thing. One of the sensors that went off was located at the Lincoln Memorial on the far western end of the Mall. Another was located near Judiciary Square, roughly two miles to the east and two blocks north of the Mall. A third was at the Army's Fort McNair, more than two miles from the Lincoln Memorial down the Potomac River past the Mall, on the point of land where the Washington Channel and Anacostia River meet. The locations of the other three sensors have not been disclosed

Under the government's scenario, soil on or near the Mall somehow became contaminated with the bacteria, perhaps from the body or blood of a dead or injured small rabbit or squirrel. That soil then got stirred up -- possibly by the marchers themselves -- and floated across the Mall and beyond. Marchers and book festival attendees contacted by Salon say it was dusty on the Mall in the morning. But it rained early that day and stayed moist, making the dust theory perhaps less likely, at least after that rain.

"One sensor, I'd say maybe," says biosecurity expert Stanhope of the dust theory. "Two sensors is a stretch. Six sensors? I'm sorry, you don't have enough money to buy enough martinis to make me believe that it is naturally occurring at six different sites. I don't think you could get me that drunk to believe that."

Questions from the Metro

I have been storing a list of questions that I ask myself while on the Metro:

1. Why does the overweight woman always sit next to me? Why not the hot marine in his fatigues?

2. Who is the mid-thirties African-American man listening to Debbie Gibson on his Ipod? Yes, it is that loud that we could all hear “Out of the Blue?”

3. Why do the GW Graduate students refused to take off their backpacks on a crowded train? All they need to do is hold them at their sides.

4. Why is that every time it is a female conductor, she closes the doors super-quick before anyone can get on?

5. Don’t tourist know they are not supposed to ride the metro during rush hour?

6. Why does the guy from the Examiner get all pissy with me if I don’t take his crappy paper?

7. Why is the A/C in the metro stations only designed to keep the stations at a comfortable 80 degrees?

8. How did the homeless guy get onto the metro with his grocery cart?

9. Why do people get up to stand in front of the doors an entire station before their exit and then stand on the escalator and not walk? Are you in that big of a hurry or not?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Afternoon thoughts

* I checked the blog stats today and was very happy to see that someone from Berkeley, CA made it to our site by a google search for "How to ask a bartender for a date". Good luck to you Berkeley! I hope my words help you find love (or at least a good shag!)

* I'm feeling my cold subside!! I even mustered up the energy to get myself back into the gym last night which was GREATLY needed - especially if my Halloween costume works out as planned. Yes indeed I may be showing a bit more skin behind the bar than I've ever done before. I really need to make sure my chest is plump and my belly is not. A skimpy costume also presents some issues beyond body image ones - such as, where does one put their bottle opener when they have no pockets?

* Reason #4,639,208 that I love the internet: Last night I found and downloaded a bootleg of Liz Phair's 9:30 Club performance from last week. Thank you Dime-A-Dozen!! Reliving this concert on my iPod has helped me get through a CRAZY work day.

* New blog from Team Lady's friend Kiki - be sure to check him out and say hello!

* Speaking of crazy work days - I've gotta issue a big ole "no ma'am" to the girl who quit several months ago and decided to stop by today for 2 HOURS with her crying baby. Seriously, you left here on a bad note - you professed quite loudly how much you hated the people who work here, and yet you wanna come in here and expect us to go gaga over your new baby. Oh no! It'd be one thing if you were just a standard run of the mill bitch, but honey you were the office queen of homophobia and racism. I am not going to tell you how cute your baby is when you issued such gems to me as "ugh, gay marriage is such a joke" and "only gay men get ahead in this world" and my favorite when I expressed my annoyance with kids "well I guess it's a good thing you chose to be gay - that way you can't have them".

i'm addicted...

okay I know I just posted this an hour ago, but that bush site is too addicting...aside from tossing that fucker across the screen, it's fun to see what sexual positions he ends up getting himself into...

Ragdoll Bush

Throw Bush around like you know you wanna

...oh so much fun...

Monday, October 17, 2005


I am right there with you mr. bartender.

I am working late and everything I start to write just comes out bitchy and nasty.

I be 'illin

I've been attempting to write a post all day, but given that I've had a cold all weekend, everything I was writing ended up sounding like a downer. I do get whiny when I'm sick, but I'm using my filter to keep those "poor me" thoughts to myself...

For the time being I direct you to the bottom of this post at The Sean Show to get a brilliant visualization of the ever dreaded SGS (straight girl screech)

and while you're there you might as well check out the man I'll be dreaming about tonight ...yum...

Friday, October 14, 2005

Happy Birthday Boy!!

On behalf of Team Lady I'd like to shout out a big ol' Happy Birthday and 25 virtual slaps on the ass to The Boy.

Click on over to Urban Family and send him some birthday luvin'

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I am praying for you... MEM

A long, long time ago I went to a Christian college. Not only did I go to the Christian college but I interned to one of the Vice Presidents during the summers. The VP was great to me. She took me under her wing and helped me learn and grow professionally (she thought she was helping me “spiritually” as well but she didn’t know that I was having sex with boys when I wasn’t at work).

I stayed in touch with the VP after graduation as I worked at the college for a few years before moving up to DC. After I moved up to DC, she would continue to email me and ask me about “spiritual life.” I always responded a little less than honestly but that is where BGK shook me right out of the closet. Before I go to deep into the story, you should know that BGK interned to the President of the college and knew the VP quite well.

I forwarded one of her emails to me on to BGK and made some sort of snide remark. BGK, instead of responding to me, responded directly to the VP. Basically the email consisted of his advice to me to tell her that I was a big ole fag and that I wanted to have a threesome with her and her husband (Sparky). I think there was more colorful language in there that I can’t remember.

Kevin’s response from the VP… “I am so disappointed in you. I am praying for you… MEM (her initials)”

Nightmare! Needless to say, I lost that professional reference.

Last Night

So I know it has been a while since I have posted. I have just been super busy with work and all I want to do when I get home is to sleep. But I am turning a new leaf and getting myself motivated to blog away!

So last night I had a great dinner. E and I made plans last week to have drinks last night. It had been quite some time since I had seen E so I was really looking forward to spending some time with him. We started emailing yesterday trying to figure where to meet and then drinks turned into dinner and then dinner turned into dinner at his place. Now I have only heard about the wonders of his cooking. I had never gotten to experience it first hand. Man was I in for a treat.

We started the evening out with Cosmos and shrimp cocktail. We then moved onto a nice Caprese salad with homemade pesto (I was very impressed over the homemade pesto as I never have the gumption to make my own) while E fired up the grill. Soon we were having a nice conversation outside on the patio waiting for the grill to heat up. Finally the big moment came when E put the rib eye steaks on the grill. Now I have to say here that I live in a three-story walk-up and the last time I had anything grilled was from some crappy steak house. I am too nervous to put the hibachi out on the fire escape like everyone else. So I was very impressed with E’s grilling expertise. E served the steaks with sautéed mushrooms (his secret recipe) and broccoli.

It was an absolutely lovely meal with even lovelier company. I can’t wait to cook for him!

I Heart Liz Phair

Ohhh such a good time last night!!!

I left work shortly after 5:30 and rushed on home to prepare for the concert. A block away from my house I saw no less than 10 police cars pulling out of the alley I live off of. As I get close I see ATF officers taking photos of 2 guys as they arrest them. I try to maintain a good balance of watching to see what's going and not making eye contact with any of the perps. thinks I should check out Washington Post to see if they can provide some insight into what was going on.

Anyway, got home, changed and met up with A Sassy Fellow and grabbed a quick pre-concert bite to eat. We got to the 9:30 club and staked out some territory and picked out who would be our boyfriends-for-fake for the evening. The opening act went on, Matt Pond PA, and they certainly were LOUD but great. I'd never heard of them prior to the concert so I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was oodles of auditory goodness. I couldn't quite make out the lyrics, but just loved their sound. I made a mental note to pick up a CD on my way out...

After Matt Pond PA's set was done I ran into Hot Bitch 'N' and Hot Bitch 'K' and they joined Sassy Fellow and me. Liz finally got on stage and started off with an acoustic set which i ADORED.

Now we were standing way in the back against the sound booth and I guess because we were against a wall-like structure this girl felt it was appropriate to set her bottle of beer right next to my feet. I thought it was tacky but didn't say anything right away. It wasn't until the guy next to me knocked the bottle over that I realized this bottle was going to be kicking around all night. Therefore, I felt compelled to say something. So I picked the bottle up and waited until the song was over and walked over to the girl, handed her the bottle and said "if you wanna leave your beer bottle on the ground you should leave it by your feet, not mine - or just find a trash can".

I felt a little bit like a dick for doing that, but the Hot Bitches and Sassy Fellow reassured me I was fine. Liz finished up her acoustic set and then brought the band on stage and just rocked out. She has such a strong stage presence that you can't help but be mesmerized by her. She played soooo much off of Exit In Guyville including 6'1, Divorce Song, Fuck and Run, and Flower (an amazing version she did to start her encore). Had she played Never Said it would have included all my Guyville favorites. I was surprised she didn't do too much new material - especially since she's promoting her new CD (and there are so many great tracks off that - would have LOVED to hear Got My Own Thing)

Anyway, the concert ended and the gang and I explored the merch table and I dished out some cash for a Liz shirt and a Matt Pond PA CD. We all headed back to my place for one final cocktail and then I went to sleep with a big ole' smile on my face from such a great night!

Thanks Liz!!

(on a sad note, Mr. Bartender feels like he may be coming down with a cold and will not be participating in his usual Thursday night shirtless activities.)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The rhythm is gonna get ya

I have an opportunity to get Gloria Estefan's new book autographed. Now if only I knew someone who liked crappy music that I could give it to.

(image courtesy of Postsecret)

In non-crappy music news I see Liz Phair in few hours! I can not wait. I have to admit part of the reason I love going to concerts is in the hope of finding other gay guys who share my same quirky musical interests. Good music and (hopefully) cute gay boys who love good music. Can't beat that!!

Guide to Flirting With and Dating A Bartender

I was browsing through the blog stats today and noticed that someone came to our site from a MSN Search for "dating a bartender".

First I would like to issue an apology to that person as I'm sure the answer they were searching for was not found on this site. Secondly, since it appears MSN believes Team Lady has the answers for dating a bartender I should provide the public (and MSN) what they are clearly craving for.

So here we go :

Mr. Bartender's Guide to Flirting With and Dating a Bartender

1) Stop using MSN Search, switch to Google. Okay, okay it has nothing to do with dating a bartender, but it's a basic life lesson this person has not learned yet, so it need to be stated. Google is oodles better and has fun things like interactive maps, toolbars, etc.

2) Don't Misread Signals - So they bartender smiles at you and is always really friendly and occasionally gives you a drink for free - he must be interested in you, right? Possibly, but there's a damn good chance he's just being a good bartender and trying to keep you coming on into his bar. Remember he makes his money by being nice to people and having those people in turn give him a nice tip. The normal cues that someone is interested in you can not be applied to the bartender.

3) Tip Him Well - If you want to get the bartender's attention the best way to do so is to leave a big tip. There's no need to be obscene about it but a simple extra dollar a drink will always be noticed by a good bartender. If you're not financially in a place to leave an extra tip, you're not out of the running - just be sure not to leave a shitty tip. Even if I think you're the hottest guy in the world I'll be damned if I'm gonna date someone who only tips a quarter. With bad manners like that how could I be seen with him in public?

4) Ask Yourself If He Is Worth It - If the bartender you're crushing on works at your favorite neighborhood bar be sure he's worth it before you make your move. Let's say you go on a date only to have things end on a bad note. Now every time you step into the bar it's going to be awkward and weird. Never ruin a good time at your favorite bar for any guy...

5) Don't Put Him On The Spot - It's never a good idea to ask the bartender on a date while he's working. No matter if he's interested or not it's going to be an uncomfortable moment. The second you pose the question there are 20 other ears that perk up around the bar to see how he's gonna respond. Make the situation less of a public display by discreetly slipping your phone number/email on a note along with your tip. If he's interested he'll call.

6) Let Him Do His Job - Bartending is like playing host to a party, you can't just talk to the guests you want to talk to, you have to talk with everyone - even the annoying ones. So as much as he may WANT to talk to you, he's not always able to. If you're telling him a story don't get offended if he's looking around the bar to see if anyone wants another drink or he walks away from you mid sentence. It's nothing personal, he's just trying to pay his bills.

7) Don't Hang Out In His Bar Nonstop - If you progress to the point where you start dating the bartender, give him some space. As much as he may enjoy seeing you, he's not able to enjoy your company the way he'd like to. As we just discussed in #6 he won't be able to maintain good conversation with you, and having you stare at him all night will make him uncomfortable and it just plain reeks of insecurity.

8) Don't Get Jealous - The bartender's job is to be nice and friendly with people and get them liquored up. As mentioned in #2 many people misread these signals as flirting and will hit on the bartender. At no point are you to ever confront one of his customers about hitting on "your man". The customers are his bread and butter, they pay his bills - it is the bartender's sole decision how to handle people flirting with him. I know the stereotype is that bartenders get around, and yeah some do, but there are two types people in the world 1) people who cheat 2) people who don't cheat. If you're dating someone who cheats it doesn't matter if they are a bartender or not - they gonna cheat on you. If you're dating someone who doesn't cheat just because they are a bartender and have more opportunities presented to them doesn't mean they are going to stray from you.

For me personally I can not imagine hooking up with someone after my shift. Our bar closes at 3:00 AM, after cleaning & closing the bar for an hour I'm ready to leave at 4:00 AM. I smell like an ashtray, I feel disgusting, and I'm exhausted. There is very little I'm interested in other than curling up in my bed.

So for those afraid of dating a bartender because you hear they're sluts, I'd say put that fear to rest. Find out who the person is and go from there.

That's all I can think of for i forgetting anything??

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Another bad date....

As you may recall from a previous post, I have recently agreed to go on a date despite my not looking to date status. This was agreed upon given the stipulation that the guy knew upfront I wasn't wanting a relationship.

This date proved to be a mistake...

First of all I was semi-dreading the date after said gentleman caller had made apperances in my bar both Friday and Saturday night and stared at me. Seriously, if I tell you I have issues with taking things too fast do you think staring at me in my bar two nights in a row is the best way to reassure me you won't be one of those guys??

Anyway, as I said, I was semi-dreading the date tonight. I emailed him to make plans and suggested we meet up at 8:00 and offered three restaurant options to choose from and asked him to make up his mind. He replied saying he'd call me on his way over and we'd pick a restaurant from there.

At 7:15 I get a text message to say he's on his way and that he'll call me to confirm location in a little bit. Now given he lives WAY out in Virgina - past Dulles - so the 45 minute commute didn't phase me.

Although it looks like he should have given himself more time. When 8:00 hit and I hadn't heard from him I got annoyed. So I call him. He asks me what I'm up to, and we discuss where to eat. We decide on a location and he casually mentions he'll get into the city in about 20 minutes and will call me as he gets close.

Eh, what? We chose 8:00 to meet up and it's at 8:00 you decide to tell me you're running 20 minutes late? *sigh* whatever. We are already off to a bad start....

Shortly after 8:20 he calls me and says he's just about there and doesn't apologize for being late, but rather starts with excuses. Apparently his grandmother (who he lives with rent free) ended up chatting his ear off as he was trying to go out the door and since she's losing it a bit he had to entertain her.

Okay in my rule book if I know I'm running late I give the person a call BEFORE the scheduled time we are supposed to meet. I do not wait for them to call to find out what's going on. Secondly, when we do speak for me to inform the guy that I'm running late the first words out of my mouth are "I'm really sorry" not "ugh, my grandma woudln't stop talking". I don't wanna hear excuses, I want you to say I'm sorry....

So we finally meet up and things are not horrible but they aren't good either. Maybe it's because I'm already pissed but there was absolutely no chemistry what-so-ever. It didn't help that we went to a restaurant where the head chef was black and when I commented that my roasted chicken was good he said "yeah, well they do know how to do fried chicken right". ugh.... i bit my tounge so hard it almost bled. I think he senese he had crossed a line though because conversation became a bit tense after that....

When we parted ways he didn't ask for a second date, just mentioned he'd see me at the bar on Friday. Without being asked out again I never really found a way to issue the "eh, I don't think a second date would be a good idea".

Within a minute of being home I had a text message telling me that I'm "awesome".

As "awesome" as I am, I'm SOOO glad that my "awesome" ass is sleeping alone tonight...

Flying Solo

A couple months ago Team Lady saw that Nickel Creek was coming to the 9:30 Club in October and we made plans to get tickets. One of the great thing about the 9:30 Club is that everyone can buy their tickets on their own and since it’s standing room we don’t have to worry about not being seated next to each other. Being the concert lover that I am, I rushed out in bought my ticket immediately along with 2 other concerts that I was dying to go to. Since I already had friends lined up to accompany me for Nickel Creek I just bought one ticket for myself.

Well this Sunday, day of the concert, I awoke to get a phone call from Kevin saying something came up and he will be unable to go to the concert. Later in the day Mrs. Jesus calls and says he didn't have a ticket and that the website says the concert is sold out. We decide to meet up for dinner and then see if we can find a friendly scalper outside willing to part with his tickets. Unfortunately over the course of dinner Mrs. Jesus starts feeling a bit ill and decides to bail on the concert as well.

I am now flying solo.

Now there are certain communal activities I have no problem doing alone. I have no problem going to the movies alone, no problem eating dinner at a restaurant alone, and certainly have no problems having sex alone (do that one daily!). Concerts on the other hand are a bit more difficult for me. For one, it’s hard to establish your territory. You grab a cocktail and find a great place to stand - all is fine and well. But your cocktail somehow empties and your bladder somehow becomes full. What do you do? If you move to get another cocktail and to pee you lose your prime real estate. Sure I could ask the person next to me to hold my spot, but that probably isn’t appropriate after I told her to shut up so I could hear the opening act. I decide to cut my losses, do my business and find a new place to stand. (going to see the opening act is always problematic because the majority of the people going could care less about them and end up talking through the entire set)

So I peed, grabbed another cocktail and looked for a new location. The place was beginning to fill up and I wandered around looking for a new place to stand. Then I found it. It was a hot guy that first caught my attention, then I noticed he was by a bar (two things I love in the same place) so I decided to camp out there. I began to observe the hottie’s interaction with his friend and it appeared they were more than just friends. Shortly after two more friends came to the group and it became apparent they were all big ole queens like me. Whew!

The concert started and it was really great. Halfway through I saw one of my customers who I find consistently annoying start making his way through the crowd toward my direction. He approached the gay boys in front of me and started chatting with them. While I was relieved he avoided me I was beginning to get annoyed listening to his constant chatter over the concert I paid money to see. I shot my "I hate you" glare into the back of his head to no effect. I began to notice though that it was only the annoying guy who initiated conversation and if someone spoke back to him it seemed to be only out of polite obligation. Finally I decided to make a move and tapped annoying guy on the back and told him to please be quiet so I could watch the concert. He rolled his eyes at me, leaned over to the guys he was talking to and quietly distanced himself from them.

At the end of the concert I walked my solo ass out to the curb and began to make phone calls to figure out where Team Lady was at and to make plans for the rest of the night. As I was getting off a phone call the hottie approached me. "Thank you SOOO much for telling that guy to shut up...he was annoying all of us. I don't even really know him. He's a friend of someone I know - and that guy doesn't like him either..."

Yay...that made me happy.

So the rule is if you ever find yourself flying solo for a concert, use your gaydar to find some peeps to hang with, and win their favor by telling the rude people around them to shut up.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Rainy Day Afternoon

DC has been hit with one rainy weekend. To commemorate the mood outdoors I put the finishing touches on a on my Sad Day Song mix.

Now I know most people find sad songs to be depressing as hell, but personally I LOVE them. And it's not because I'm a depressing kind of guy. I'm really pretty happy the majority of the time. People who know me would describe me as a fun loving guy. The inner lesbian in me just happens to prefer Ani DiFranco, Lucinda Williams and Patty Griffin more than anything you'll find on the top 40 charts.

Now some previous mixes of mine focused solely on breakups. The first "A Night of a Thousand Exboyfriends" was named after a horrifyingly tragic night Mrs. Jesus and I had a couple years back. To date there have been 3 volumes that have followed that and I've exhausted a great number of really great breakup songs.

So for this mix I wanted to stray away from any breakups - there may be hints of a ex or an allusion to a bad breakup - but overall these songs focus on all the other shit life has a way of throwing at us - uncertainly, dissolving friendships, mistakes we make in our own lives, and just a general being in a funk.

If there is someone out there in blog-land who loves sad songs as much as I do, this mix may be for you!!!

  1. Platforms - Ani DiFranco
  2. World Without Tears - Lucinda Williams
  3. Invisible Ink - Aimee Mann
  4. Breathe Me - Sia
  5. Hole In My Pocket - Sam Phillips
  6. Grey - Ani Difranco
  7. Losing Hope - Jack Johnson
  8. Away - Kathleen Edwards
  9. That I Would Be Good (unplugged) -Alanis Morissette
  10. Sundays (Live)- Lucinda Williams
  11. Dear Old Friend - Patty Griffin
  12. One Day Late - Sam Phillips
  13. Everybody Hurts (unpluggged) - The Corrs
  14. Hey Jupiter - Tori Amos
  15. Wise Up - Aimee Mann
  16. Studying Stones - Ani DiFranco
  17. Hurt - Johnny Cash
  18. Revelator - Gillian Welch
  19. Ruin - Brenda Weiler
  20. Hey Kind Friend - Indigo Girls

Friday, October 07, 2005

Yet again

No eye contact from co-worker the second week in a row.

More to follow...

Me thinks...

I’m still drunk…

Yikes…for the second time this week I stayed out WAYYYYY too late and had WAYYYYYY too much to drink. Ugh… I’m still in the happy semi-drunk phase though which is apparent to my coworkers because I’m in a much better mood than I ever am at work. I bet they are wondering if I got laid. Nope, no sex – just have the alcohol flowing through my system keeping me happy. I’m guessing it will wear off in the next hour or two and the tired and hungover phase will hit me and I’ll turn into a complete bitch.

But while I’m happy might as well recount the tales from last night.

· Mrs. Jesus and I arrived at Jrs only to realize our plans to look for a tall Asian wasn’t well thought out. There were several Asians who were on the tall side and I didn’t have the courage to approach any of them. Really what do you say? “excuse me, you’re a tall asian, do you blog?” We decided to wait until the Boy arrived and let him make the move. Luckily The Boy guessed right and found Dale.

· We were all sad to not have Kevin or Chip join us for the evening but the surprise appearance of The Party Girl made me happy. We had some good conversation too – I love her – purse and all…

· At JRs this nasty guy pulled me over to introduce me to his friends and informed me “Dave here wants to do ya”. I smiled and said “wow…that was real subtle” and retreated back to the gang. Granted it was no “chocolate starfish” line, but still it never ceases to amaze me the lines people think will work…

· At the Lantern The Boy noticed one gentleman was walking through with a suit on. Curious as to why he would wear a suit on a shirtless evening The Boy pulled him over to inquire. What The Boy did not forsee was said gentleman was far more intoxicated than we realized and far more touchy. Suit Guy became immediately fixated on Dale and started rubbing his torso. I would have none of this - Sketchy Suit Guy was not going to ruin our evening and give Dale a bad impression of shirtless Thursdays. So I leaned over to Sketchy Suit Guy and informed him that he is not allowed to touch us unless he disrobes himself. At first my plan seemed to work, he seemed unwilling to take things off and settled for a simple loosening of the tie. He then moved on to touching Mrs. Jesus and once again I informed him that you can only touch if you have no shirt on. What I did not forsee is that Sketchy Suit Guy would call my bluff. With the assistance of Dale, the man began to undress. The Boy, Mrs. Jesus and I watched in horror. Off came his suit coat, tie, cuff links, shirt and undershirt. The now shirtless Sketchy Suit Guy was in front of us and according to the rules I had established he had free reign to touch any of us. We all just turned our backs on the situation hoping the problem would go away. Fortunately it did, and even better – Dale had managed to keep the tie!!

· The tie became a badge of honor for us last night, we each took turns wearing it.

· After the end of free drinks The Boy suggested a change of locations to Sadlands. Despite my insistence of never going there again, I gave in and actually had a good time.

· Overall I didn’t see much eye candy at either the Lantern or Sadlands, but had SUCH a good time being surrounded with good company. Always love hanging out with Mrs. Jesus and The Boy and loved meeting and getting to know Dale. He’s as fun and witty in person as he is on his blog. Yay!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Best Way To Give Someone Syphilis

Who knew STDs could be so cute?!?!

The Clap



Bad Breath


1. We have confirmation from two independent sources that Halo bartender is indeed in a relationship. One source reports not only is he in a relationship but they have moved in together. I seriously hope they have an "understanding" as it sounds like his attempted infidelity is not an isolated incident.

2. Overheard coming out of a young GW student's mouth a couple days ago "uh, i mean HELLO!!! - I am a child of privilege..." *sigh* I have no idea what the context was, all I know is that sentiments like that make me shed a tear for the future of America.

3. Roommate being out of town means the apartment has now become a clothing optional resort!! I love waking up and not having to bother to put on shorts before I grab a morning glass of OJ.

4. Gay bloggers meetup is on for tonight at JRs - 8:30. Those feeling adventurous shall migrate on to the Lantern at 10:00 for some free booze...

5. I had a great evening last night catching up on Tivo. Arrested Development was hysterical as always - love the addition of Scott Baio as Bob Loblaw (Blah, blah, blah). Law and Order SVU proved you can have a riveting episode even without the glorious eye candy Chris Meloni. And Lost once again left me feeling upset that I have to wait another long week to get another 40 min fix. Although, having to wait a week still isn't as bad as the knowledge that there is only one more episode of Weeds left this season. I heart Mary Louise Parker.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Kill an Iraqi and get 3 free songs!!!

how many years of bush do we have left??

Boozin' It Up On A Tuesday

If my life were an After School Special the themes in last night’s episode would have included alcohol abuse, peer pressure and adultery. (Of course if my life were an After School Special I also would have been date raped and maimed in a drunk driving accident …. Fortunately neither of those two happened)

Last night, Team Lady headed on over to Halo for a happy hour celebration. We were fortunate enough to be blessed with the company of Prada and The Little Bird which made me happy as I haven’t seen either one of them in ages. It was a great time!!

Some moments of interest:

* The Little Bird showed us one of the benefits of dating a cop when he pulled out his parking pass to turn an illegal parking spot into tow & ticket free rock star parking.

* Having the sexy bartender at Halo comp every round. Aside from being generous with the alcohol he is also absolutely adorable so I ended up tipping a $20 each time. One of my tips was handed back to me along with a phone number and email address :P I took the phone & email and went to give the money right back to him. He insisted he didn’t want it unless it had my phone number on it. Drunk logic didn’t realize dictate that this might not be the best idea. As that bill gets circulated around the world I can only imagine the phone numbers that may come in. It’s like Where’s George except on my cell phone…

* Despite my best intentions to leave Halo and go home, I was pressured to go with the Halo bartender & his friend to Cobalt. Knowing that Mrs. Jesus and Prada had already migrated over there made this seem like it was an okay idea. Who needs dinner or sleep when you have alcohol to consume and a cute boy to talk to?

* Finding my uncoordinated self on the dance floor. Mental note – if I want to impress a guy do not dance in front of him. Ever. In fact I ran into “The Hot Bitches” and I think the horror of my dancing even scared THEM away because they did not stay long.

* Closing Cobalt on a Tuesday night. Is there really a need for this???

* Having Mr. Halo giving my drunk ass a ride home and a very extended good night kiss. That was yummy.

* Waking up this morning and finding him on friendster only to discover he is “in a relationship”. What the hell is that about?

* Walking to work this morning and running into a guy I went on 4 dates with in as many weeks about two years ago. We had uncomfortable small talk at the stop light and then he decided he’d rather face the onslaught of oncoming traffic than continue to converse with me. He said “well uh, I have to get going” and walked right in front of several cars that almost hit him.

* Seconds later running into Mr. Halo who was also on his walk to work and also running late and also kinda hungover. We engaged in much more pleasant small talk and he insisted I give him a call or email. Not sure how to broach the “uh, do you have a boyfriend?” question. I’m not really looking for a relationship right now, but I don’t wanna be no home wrecker either. Oh what to do??

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

1 Year Anniversary

October marks my one year anniversary of going to the gym. The fact I managed to stick with this for an entire year is a HUGE deal...

Growing up I was always the scrawny and awkward kid. Sports were never my thing and gym class was the ever-dreaded hour that would inevitably bring about another opportunity for me to humiliate myself. As I was to enter Jr. High we moved to a new town and I started at a brand new school that had no idea as to the extend of my lack of coordination. The guys encouraged me to sign up for the basketball team and in an attempt to fit in I agreed. And while the guys that year were actually nice to me, I left every single practice feeling more and more dejected. There’s nothing worse than trying something with every ounce of your being only to fail miserably every single time.

When I went on to High School I was able to avoid sports entirely. Due to the insanely small size of my school (graduating class of 14) gym class was only offered one period a day. If you had a full academic schedule (which I always made sure I did) you could be exempt from gym class. The catch was you were supposed to engage in an after-school sports program to make up from what you were missing in gym, but luckily I slipped through those cracks. I became a full blown geek only interested in student council, theater and yearbook.

By the time I entered college my world was beginning to change for the better. I traded my geeky glasses in for contacts and felt semi-attractive for the first time in my life. In college I came out of the closet and was fortunate enough to have a great support network. Soon I started dating and had my first boyfriend. Things were great. Time goes by and I graduate college. I head out to DC and meet an amazing group of friends – Team Lady. I experience life with them and we all share our highs and lows, and life is really good. But despite all these great things, there is still that kid that resides within me that is awkward and hates the way he looks. A feeling that gets aided by the random dates and customers who poke fun at my scrawny arms or lack of a chest. One date told me he only dates someone who goes to the gym because “why should I let someone enjoy my muscles if he’s not gonna work to get muscle of his own”. And while I blew him off as just another arrogant prick, it still added to my own feelings of inferiority...

So finally last year, for all the wrong reasons, I made a resolution to get my ass into the gym and work on improving my body. I was terrified the first time I went there. I felt just like that kid on the basketball team again. I stepped in and knew I didn’t belong here. But I walked up to a trainer and ordered myself a package of 10 sessions to get me on my way. It was expensive as hell, but I figured having a sexy body should get me more tips so it should balance out somewhere. Charged it all to Visa...

Having a trainer was the best possible thing I could have done. For starters I had NO IDEA what to do in the gym, so having someone there to teach me was a godsend. Secondly it provided me incentive to go to the gym on a regular basis. I know me and if it were not for the fact I’d be throwing away $50 if I did not show up for my hour session, I would not have gone. By the end of my 10 sessions I had worked the gym into my routine, although I still didn’t feel I knew enough to work out on my own yet. So I pulled out the Visa card and ordered another 10 sessions.

I used the next 10 sessions to begin to build a workout routine of my own. I’d go to the trainer twice a week and then go once or twice on my own and practice working out on my own. Slowly I began to feel more confident without the trainer and eventually got to a place where I no longer broke into a sweat thinking about the gym and only broke out a sweat working out at the gym.

The other great thing about having a trainer for what ended up being 20 sessions is that it helped me from getting discouraged. By December of last year I was getting upset that I was working out for awhile and still hadn’t bulked up in any noticeable sense. I could notice subtle changes in my size and tone, but people in general never said a word. It wasn’t until January when everyone I met seemed to suddenly notice. Out of the blue people would just say “holy sh*t, when did your arms get so big”, etc, etc…

Also in January my father had a heart attack before he even turned 50. He recovered and is doing fine now, but that incident certainly provided further incentive for me to continue to work out and to incorporate more cardio in my routine. Heredity is a bitch sometimes…

And what about that scrawny little awkward kid inside me?? Well he’s feeling much better. More importantly than the physical transformation that happened, the mental aspect has been great. Overcoming such a fear of the gym was a huge hurdle for me. Feeling comfortable in my own skin for the first time has been amazing. Sure there are plenty of things I’d like to change about my body (get rid of my belly, scars and perpetually pale skin for starters) but those “flaws” are me. I change the things I can, and accept the things I can’t. On bad days I can still obsess over them, but overall I’m comfortable with my body. This is me for better or worse.

Monday, October 03, 2005

So damn happy...

I’m in a good mood today. Here are some things that made me happy today, or at least put a smile on my face:

1. Fall Is Finally Here – I love this season!!! Summer in DC is just too hot and humid to enjoy. Fall is perfect. The sun is shining brightly and the lower temps and cool breeze keep me from getting too hot. Love being sunny but not sweaty. I want to stay outside all day!!

2. This week’s social calendar – after last week’s rehab I’m coming back full force this week. I have happy hours scheduled each day of this week. Despite making my liver sad, it makes me very happy.

3. Having a good excuse to eat bad – I love to read something like this before going to lunch. Helped me feel better about forgoing a healthy and nutritious salad and replace it with some fatty pepperoni pizza.

4. And as long as I’m being bad – I heart me some oreos. They are truly a gift from god. Not the fudge-dipped ones, not the double stuffed – just the good ole’ fashioned regular oreos. What a perfect way to follow up a fatty lunch.

5. Randomness at work – I walked into the bathroom at work today and saw an entirely naked man. Apparently someone wanted to change clothes and not being of a bashful nature he felt no need to be cramped in a stall. As much as I love naked men, the sight of them when you’re not expecting it can make for an awkward moment. Awkward as it was, I think it’s pretty damn funny.

6. Drunken Memories – I recall fondly leaving JRs last night tired and ready to pass out, only to get home to discover tivo had recorded me some Desperate Housewives. I decided there was no way I could go to bed without having my DH fix and so I grabbed a bowl of cereal and stayed up an extra 40 min past my bedtime. This morning however I had to rewatch the episode because I realized I blacked out half of the show. It was even better the second time around.

7. End of the work day – the thing that makes me the happiest lady in the world is that the day is just about over and I can go start my week of happy hours!!! YAY! ;p

Weekend Thoughts

Bar Life
1. This weekend at the bar was painful. My favorite coworker was gone and it was just a consistently annoying crowd – as a result I’ve decided I need to pen another guide – “How To Order A Drink Without Pissing Off Your Bartender”. Be on the lookout for that later this week.

2. As painful as the bar was at times, I was blessed to have some favorites of mine swing by to lift up my spirits. The Boy made an appearance on Friday, and “The Group That I Don’t Have A Nick-Name For Yet But They Know Who They Are” came both Friday and Saturday nights. When The Boy and The Group arrived they could see I was kindy pissy and helped make me smile again. Cheers to them.

3. Received a gross pick up line that reminded me of a similar line heard by the delightful boys at Gays Of Our Lives. Kelly Clarkson’s “Behind These Hazel Eyes” came on and a customer turned to me and said “I wanna see you brown eye”. The naïve and innocent side of me responded “But I have blue eyes”. He flashed me a dirty smile and said “I know”…I paused and realized what brown eye he was referring to. I cringed.

(background to this weekend’s story)
After a recent series of guys who became overly-attached on the first date, I decided a couple weeks ago that I am putting my dating life on a temporary hiatus. One recent guy started “we”ing me on date #2. He had many plans for what WE should do in the future months, including a vacation, Christmas plans and worst of all – the meeting of each other’s parents. I made sure WE called things off after that date...anyway...

1. A couple weeks ago I informed another gentleman caller at the end of our third date that I did not wish to continue this dating endeavor. A week later he emailed me and said he was a bit confused as to where we stood. I wrote back and informed him that currently I am not interested in dating anyone. On Friday I received another email from him asking me out to dinner. *sigh* On Saturday night not only did he make an appearance in my bar, he stayed in my bar from about 11PM til close. As hard as I tried to ignore his continual presence I couldn’t help but be annoyed. This morning I have another email awaiting me saying how great it was to see me on Saturday and that he’d like to spend more time together. I must put an end to this...

2. A rather attractive guy was in the bar both Friday and Saturday nights. We exchanged smiles, he over-tipped me, I comped him some drinks – great system. Although since I’m not dating I never made a move for an exchange beyond bartender-customer. Sunday night however found me at JRs having several cocktails and he appeared. We chatted for awhile and I fessed up as to my reluctance to date. I explained that while a relationship is a goal for me in time, it’s not a goal for my immediate future. Currently I’m wanting to be single. Despite all that being said, the combination of alcohol and hormones made me semi interested in a casual date and I agreed to one. We exchanged numbers, emails and maybe a couple kisses. We’ll see what develops and how long it takes before I freak out and jump ship :)

1. Spent some more time with the new Fiona Apple CD trying to like it. While a good CD, it’s now official that I prefer the Jon Brion version hands down. Despite what Entertainment Weekly tells you on their review the Brion version is far more complex and interesting.

2. Listened to the new Liz Phair CD which gets released tomorrow and am LOVING it. Must rush out to buy it tomorrow. I sooooo can’t wait to see her at the 9:30 club next week. It’s gonna be a great show! Y’all should come!!

3. Patty Griffin is making a cameo in Cameron Crowe’s new movie “Elizabethtown”. My favorite song of hers, Long Ride Home, made the soundtrack and CMT has a video for it right here. I’m in love...